The Ebb and Flow of Virginia

Stupid people amuse me.

2008-08-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Liscence Plate #BUYT ME

Just because your plate tells us you're an asshole does not give you permission to take up four parking spaces in front of Vons while you eat Subway in your gas guzzling status symbol of an SUV. Oh, and eating Subway won't help you lose that fat ass if you put so much mayo on it that I can see it dripping from 10 feet away. Go die please.

Kthxbai,

The World.

My top 10

2008-08-21T06:09:00.000-07:00

Lucy did this one not too long ago and since I'm always looking for something to post, I thought I would steal it.

These are my top 10 celebrity crushes, in no particular order:

I was in love with Johnny WAY before Pirates, so kiss my ass on the trendy thing. You can make fun of me for being trendy with the next one.

Brad Pitt is HOT. I mean fucking hot. I think anyone who says they don't like him is just saying it because they don't want to be trendy. Plus I love boys in dresses.

Julian McMahon could cut me up any day.

Anthony Kiedis is my god.

His choice in women is questionable, but David Beckham has got it going on.

Mark Wahlberg. I consider it a turning point in my development from girl to woman when I moved away from NKOTB and realized that Donnie's brother is WAY hotter than he is.

Heath Ledger. So sad. I still watch Knights Tale about once a month.

Billie Joe Armstrong. Oooooh yeah.

Anyone who thought that girly little Orlando Bloom was hot next to Viggo Mortensen is a closet lesbian.

I have naughty dreams about LL Cool J.

Back to school

2008-08-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

I can't be away this long without some good ol' Phoenix spam, can I? He turned 2 months old on Friday, and I just can't get over how fast he's growing. It's freaking insane.

I started work again last week, but it was all training. This week (well, today) the kids go back to school. My boss moved me from middle school to kindergarten, so I'm all kinds of nervous. I could totally spend my work day playing with 5 year olds, that's no problem. But I have to make lesson plans and have activities that are standards based and shit. I have to look at the pacing calendar to find out what they're learning that week, and then plan my day around reinforcing what they do in the classroom. Every activity I plan has to reference back to state standards. I have to handle discipline. I have to keep them all happy and engaged. It's hard. Kindergarten teachers are rock stars, I'm telling you.

Lulabelle started high school this morning. She should be in first period right now. She was REALLY nervous this morning, but I know she'll have fun. I just told her high school is like middle school, but the cafeteria is better, the rules are less strict, and you can wear flip flops. I hope she has a good day.

Answers to the music meme

2008-07-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

Shit, I totally forgot about this. Anyway, here are the answers to my music meme. I know you've been on the edge of your seat.

1. Early in the morning risin' to the street
Light me up that cigarette and I strap shoes on my feet
Got to find a reason a reason things went wrong
Got to find a reason why my money's all gone

Sublime: What I Got

2. What do you think of me?
Are you quite proud of this make-believe
The come down, that hangs around everything
You can admire in that girl

Poloroid: So Damn Beautiful (Nip/Tuck soundtrack)

3. What ever happened to Saturday night?
When you dressed up sharp and you looked alright
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine

Meatloaf: Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul (Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack)

4. I was dreaming of the past.
And my heart was beating fast,
I began to lose control,
I began to lose control,

John Lennon: Jealous Guy

5. I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again I would understand
I would understand

Third Eye Blind: Jumper

6. If I was a Rich Girl
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end

Gwen Stefani: Rich Girl

7. I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

Alanis Morrisette: Everything

8. Well, I know it's kind of late
I hope I didn't wake you
But what I got to say can't wait I know you'd understand
Ev'ry time I tried to tell you the words just came out wrong

Jim Croche: I'll Have To Say I Love You In a Song

9. 2:45 and the bell went off, thank God
Many people think I'm odd
But I talk with no one and I walk alone
And I avoid sunlight with a chalky tone

Insane Clown Posse: In My Room (TOTALLY crazy song. Look up the lyrics.)

10. Angel, hold on to me
Love is all around me
Angel, hold on to me
Oooh, come closer

Gavin Friday: Angel (Romeo and Juliet soundtrack)

11. I cant explain glacial motion
Or why los angeles dont drop into the ocean
I cant unfold the layers of mystery
Or piece together the tragedy of history

Presidents of the United States of America: Naked and Famous

12. Because the world is round it turns me on
Because the world is round...aaaaaahhhhhh
Because the wind is high it blows my mind
Because the wind is high......aaaaaaaahhhh

The Beatles: Because

13. Hey I’m your life
I’m the one who takes you there
Hey I’m your life
I’m the one who cares

Metallica: Sad But True

14. I don't need no doctor
But I need something to kill the pain
Don't know what I'm after
But the pressure's driving me insane

Ozzy Osbourne: Zombie Stomp

15. I've had nothing but bad luck
Since the day I saw the cat at my door
So I came here to you, sweet lady
Answering your mystical call

Cliff Richard: Devil Woman

16. I'm rolling thunder, pouring rain
I'm coming on like a hurricane
My lightning's flashing across the sky
You're only young but you're gonna die

AC/DC: Hell's Bells

17. She came from Providence,
the one in Rhode Island
Where the old world shadows hang
heavy in the air

Eagles: The Last Resort

18. Something's on my mind
It's been for quite some time
This time I'm on to you
So where's the other face?

Green Day: FOD

19. (The opening lyrics are the chorus in this, so I skipped ahead to make it harder)
Such a sexy,sexy pretty little thing
Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring
and I ain't gonna lie cause your loving gets me high
So to keep you by my side there's nothing that I won't try

Crazy Train: Butterfly

20. I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.

Barenaked Ladies: The Lap Dance is Always Better When the Stripper is Crying

My music meme

2008-07-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

So Miss Ann did this thing that she got from Adena who got it from someone else who got it from someone else, etc. Anyway, it's a music meme, and I really suck at these so I thought I would do one of my own so that at least somewhere on the internet there is a list of lyrics that I know.

Of course it's cheating. Duh. I'm also going to skip Wolf's music because this is my blog, not his. Plus I don't want a bunch of Toto and techno crap on my list. (We have very different tastes in music.) Yes, this is probably cheating too, but I'm ok with it. After all, this is supposed to represent music that *I* listen to, right?

Anyway, here are the rules:

1. Put your mp3 player or music player on your computer on random.
2. Post the first four lines from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song (Skip repeat artists).
3. Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
4. Don’t fucking cheat, you Google whores!

MY SONGS:

1. Early in the morning risin' to the street
Light me up that cigarette and I strap shoes on my feet
Got to find a reason a reason things went wrong
Got to find a reason why my money's all gone

2. What do you think of me?
Are you quite proud of this make-believe
The come down, that hangs around everything
You can admire in that girl

3. What ever happened to Saturday night?
When you dressed up sharp and you looked alright
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine

4. I was dreaming of the past.
And my heart was beating fast,
I began to lose control,
I began to lose control,

5. I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again I would understand
I would understand

6. If I was a Rich Girl
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end

7. I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

8. Well, I know it's kind of late
I hope I didn't wake you
But what I got to say can't wait I know you'd understand
Ev'ry time I tried to tell you the words just came out wrong

9. 2:45 and the bell went off, thank God
Many people think I'm odd
But I talk with no one and I walk alone
And I avoid sunlight with a chalky tone

10. I get really sick and tired of boys up in my face
Pick up lines like "What's your sign" won't get you anyplace
When me and all my girls go walking down the street
It seems we can't go anywhere without a car that goes "Beep-beep"

11. I cant explain glacial motion
Or why los angeles dont drop into the ocean
I cant unfold the layers of mystery
Or piece together the tragedy of history

12. Because the world is round it turns me on
Because the world is round...aaaaaahhhhhh
Because the wind is high it blows my mind
Because the wind is high......aaaaaaaahhhh

13. Hey I’m your life
I’m the one who takes you there
Hey I’m your life
I’m the one who cares

14. I don't need no doctor
But I need something to kill the pain
Don't know what I'm after
But the pressure's driving me insane

15. I've had nothing but bad luck
Since the day I saw the cat at my door
So I came here to you, sweet lady
Answering your mystical call

16. I'm rolling thunder, pouring rain
I'm coming on like a hurricane
My lightning's flashing across the sky
You're only young but you're gonna die

17. She came from Providence,
the one in Rhode Island
Where the old world shadows hang
heavy in the air

18. Something's on my mind
It's been for quite some time
This time I'm on to you
So where's the other face?

19. (The opening lyrics are the chorus in this, so I skipped ahead to make it harder)
Such a sexy,sexy pretty little thing
Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring
and I ain't gonna lie cause your loving gets me high
So to keep you by my side there's nothing that I won't try

20. I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.

Just for Miss Ann

2008-07-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

One more thing that's more important than blog drama

2008-07-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

more cat pictures

Yawn

2008-07-17T08:19:00.001-07:00

I don't read a lot of blogs. There are maybe 10 that I read on a regular basis. I'm sorry to say that I don't even read the blogs of everyone who comments here, and that number isn't high either. This past week or two has shown me why I stick to my little corner of the internet.

The amount of sheer hatred I've seen spewed forth by this new anonymous blog is just amazing. It has really shown the true colors of many bloggers. There are a few who are sick of it all and finally speaking out. There are a few who are pissed off. There are a few who are keeping their mouths shut. There are a few who are screaming out against it. There are even a couple who are making complete asses of themselves and showing the hypocricy that so many of us have seen from them already.

Now, I hate anonymous trolls just as much as the next guy. But a bully is a bully, hiding behind a fake name doesn't really change much. Just because someone uses their real name to bully and belittle people doesn't mean that I respect them more than an anonymous person who does the same. A bad person is a bad person, in other words. (Yes, I'm talking about Adam, if there was any doubt)

Even posting this goes against what I've been trying to do for several months, which is to stay out of the blogging drama. So in case anyone wants to try and bait me into continuing with it, go ahead and try. I have more important things to deal with, like Phoenix's one month doctors appointment today, or laundry, or getting the girls to finally clean their room. Or a fierce itch in the middle of my back. All of those things are infinately more important to me than arguing with anyone online.

If the anonymous blogger (Gina? Is that right) feels like blogging about me, cool. Just in case you need some material, Adam says that I'm trailer trash who is all proud of being a step-mom until the girls get too difficult, and then I pawn them off on their dad. Where that came from, I have no idea, but have at it. In case Adam still reads here, I don't give a flying fuck what you have to say. Anyone who thinks disabled children should be killed at birth is a lower life form who isn't worthy of my time. Yes, I still remember that conversation and no, I will never think more of you than a garden slug because of it.

In other news, anyone who still needs the url for the new blog about Phoenix should leave a comment or email me. If you email me through the blog it might take me a while to get back to you though because I always forget to check that account. I'd imagine I probably have about 397 pages of spam by now.

Seriously

2008-07-15T22:28:00.001-07:00

It's really not cool that the oldies station is playing Pink Floyd right now.

Really. Not. Cool.

You know you wanna

2008-07-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

I decided to start a Phoenix blog. No, I won't be linking there because I'm giving that address to family and I most definitely do NOT want family at this blog. So, if you want to watch me attempt Mommy Blogging, leave your email address in the comments and I'll send you the link. I'm using real names and pictures in that blog, so please don't even ask if I don't know you. Seriously. I hate being rude but if I don't know you I won't give you the address, and that would be sort of rude.

Phoenix

2008-07-08T13:29:00.000-07:00

Life continues to be grand. He turned 3 weeks old this past Sunday, and he is growing like crazy. Normally the parents don't really notice until someone stops by and comments on it, but he's growing so fast I can see a difference every day. However, this has made him pretty damn grumpy, so Wolf and I are really putting our team-playing skills to the test. Luckily we rock at working as a team, which means that so far neither of us has really gotten too frustrated or tired. Connor is even thoughtful enough to give each of us a fussy session every day. I get mine around dinner time, and Wolf gets his at around midnight. Since Wolf is a night person anyway, he takes the night time shift and I generally get up around 3am, take a nap for a couple hours, and then start my day. It works pretty damn well if I do say so myself.

Now that Connor is getting bigger, I feel like I need to find him a nickname. I've never been really big on making sure that nobody knows our names (as evidence by me sharing my Bewitched tattoo) but I don't like the idea of us being easy to google. When I got nicknames for the girls, I just let them pick for themselves. They don't know about my blog, but I told them that I wanted fake names to use for them when I'm online. They picked Lullabelle and Calapy, which I thought was pretty damn creative. Obviously a 3 week old can't pick his own name, unless it's "AAAAaaaaaaaaa" and that's just annoying to type.

So, I think I'll go with my first choice for his first name, and what ended up being his middle name. (Well, first middle name actually. We gave him two middle names so that we could keep a family name in there for the second middle name. But now I'm just getting confusing.) So, from this point on he will be known as Phoenix. For any smart asses out there (like Wolf) it has nothing to do with the city in Arizona. It's the bird who dies by fire and is reborn from ashes. I think it's a wonderful myth full of ideas about stregnth and rising above hardships.

10 days already?

2008-06-26T11:54:00.001-07:00

I knew time would fly with the baby here, but damn. He's 10 days old today. I just can't believe it. He's already growing too. It's hard for me to notice, but I can still see it and everyone else is freaking out over it. He doesn't fit in my lap like he did at first, and there are a few of his newborn onesies that don't fit even though he hasn't been able to wear them yet.

It's scary shit man. Seriously.

This motherhood thing is a trip too. I always knew where babies came from, and that they were a miracle and all of that yadda yadda stuff. But to actually see it happen is fucking insane. To watch him come out of my body, and to see him open his eyes and look at me, to learn what he likes (eating and being held, pretty much) and what he doesn't like (diaper changes), to see him turn into a little person, it's just unreal. I keep holding my empty belly and missing the feeling of him growing inside of me. Every day I feel myself getting closer and closer to my old jeans as the water weight drops off. Yesterday I was able to tie my shoes for the first time in 6 months. How sick is it that I miss not being able to tie my shoes? That I'm going to mourn the day I wear maternity pants for the last time?

His cord stump fell off when he was only 5 days old. We tried to keep it dry in the bath, but it got wet for just a second and it was gone in the morning. Now all that's left of our physical connection is a cute little hole in his tummy. He's starting to learn Wolf's voice too, well, at least he's starting to show that he knows it. He's bonding with Wolf and the girls, and he's starting to notice the toys hanging from his crib. He loves his swing, and prefers the "playtime" music over the "sleepy time" music. He likes his Green Day Rock-a-bye Baby CD better than the Pink Floyd one, which is a bit disheartening but at least he likes Green Day. (Seriously, buy those Cd's for anyone with a baby. They rock my socks off.)

If I'm this sentimental and mushy over milestones that aren't even written down in any books, what am I going to be like when he's holding his head up? When he rolls over? When he's sitting? When he says "Dada" before he says "Mama?" When he goes to kindergarten?

*sigh* I think I need Prozac.

Baby spam

2008-06-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

Ok Miss Ann, you asked for it! Connor spam!

Two days old, in his swing. The rainforest swing by Fisher Price is THE BEST. Seriously. Buy it.

This was his coming home outfit.

My little kung-fu fighter sporting a cloth diaper. They're still a bit bulky on him, but he doesn't seem to mind at all.

He loves his boppy. Don't worry, I didn't leave him all squished like that. He just looked too cute to pass up this limp noodle pose.

First bath.

Tie Dye Baby

Our birth Story

2008-06-18T03:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday, June 15, 2008 (Fathers Day!) at 8:32 am. 9 lbs. even and 21 3/4 inches. If that's enough info for your sensitive little tummy, then stop here.

I got to the hospital for induction on Saturday and they started the pitocin drip at about 10:30am. By 9:00pm or so the contractions were one on top of the other with no break and I was stuck at 2 cm. The way the Dr. explained it was because of the surgery I had years ago, there was scar tissue on my cervix acting as a rubber band of sorts, keeping me closed up. He said that eventually his head would break it and then I would progress quickly. The constant contractions without a break and the picture in my head of a rubber band snapping was enough to convince me that an epidural was a good idea.

Once I got the epidural things slowed down, but by about 4am I had gone to 5cm and I was ready to push by 6am. But, the epidural made it really hard for me to push because I couldn't feel anything. We got almost to the point of crowning when the nurse decided that we should let me labor a bit longer and just wait for the doctor. (He was the only one on call and he was pulled in to an emergency, so it was me and two nurses) The anesthisiologist came in and bumped up my epidural at about 6:30 and I went to sleep.

The doctor came in at about 8:00 and started me pushing again. Even though the epidural was stronger this time, he was able to get me in a better position and he was out in 3 pushes. He came out facing sideways, whitch explained the difficulty pushing, and I ended up with 3 stitches. He had a big ol' bulb on his head, but it was gone within an hour or so. He has long monkey toes like his daddy and a full head of blonde hair. (Wolf had blonde hair all the way through high school)

We are now home and doing great. It's still so surreal, I just stare at him in amazement for most of the day. Wolf is like a big kid when he's with him. He just can't stop smiling. The girls have been great too, and are so excited to finally meet their first and only brother. Something tells me they'll have no problems teaching him the ropes and making sure he knows how to play hard and get over on old mom and dad!

My dreams of a natural birth were out the window from the get-go, but I don't care at all. I don't think I could care less about anything now that he's here and healthy.

Introducing...

2008-06-17T03:40:00.000-07:00

Connor is here!

He was born at 8:32am on Father's Day, June 15, 2008. He was a whopping 9 lbs even and 21 3/4 inches long. He is absolutely perfect in every way and we are doing great. Story and more pictures to come when it's not 4am and I have two hands.

The bulbhead was gone in about an hour.

Holy shit, two posts in a week?

2008-06-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, hopefully the final "pregnancy" update. My next update will hopefully have baby pictures in it! I went to the doctor on Tuesday the 10th (damn that was yesterday) expecting good news. The week before I was almost to 3 centimeters, and even though I hadn't been having many contractions, I could tell that he had dropped quite a bit.

So I get in there and tell my doctor that I am miserable. I mean seriously, I am fucking miserable. It turns out my blood pressure and pulse are both up, and there is sugar in my urine. Not only that, but I had gone back DOWN to 1cm. My blood sugar was fine, so it wasn't panic time, but she wanted to talk to the OB who will be delivering me to see if we should schedule a non-stress test. (I've been seeing a nurse practitioner this whole time, which I actually prefer so it's all good) He was in surgery so we had to wait for a call back.

Well, around 4ish, she finally calls back. He said that he wants to give me time to progress on my own, but if I'm not in labor by the time I get to my Friday morning appointment he wants her to send me down for induction! Eeek! I was really hoping to avoid induction, but Friday I'll be 6 days late, and with my risk factors I'm comfortable with it.

So, I officially have one more day to get all of the walking in I can. Which sucks because my feet are so swollen, walking hurts. I did some grocery shopping today and wandered around the property. Tomorrow I think I'll grab the girls and hit the thrift stores. I would still love to go in to labor on my own, but how cool would Friday the 13th be?

My update

2008-06-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

So in case anyone is still counting, today was my due date. Yes, this little guy is officially making a late entrance to his own party. I'll give a few updates from my last doctor's appointment for anyone interested in that sort of thing. If you don't want to hear about the state of my vagina, skip the next paragraph.

On Tuesday the 3rd, I was dilated between 2 and 3 and 75% effaced. He had dropped to a station -3, and was in perfect position. My doctor was pretty sure I would be carrying him in to my appointment next Tuesday.

So now for the updates I'm giving over the phone 42 times a day. I know bullet points would be awesome here, but blogger doesn't do them as far as I know so you'll have to do with the squiggly line things. Do those have a name?

~Yes, I'm still pregnant.
~No, I don't know when he's going to get here.
~Yes, I'm really eager to meet him too.
~No, I'm not nervous about going through labor.
~No, I'm really not. Please stop trying to talk me into being scared. It doesn't help.
~Yes, I feel like shit. Thanks for caring.
~No, I haven't cleaned the kitchen with a toothbrush.
~No, I'm not going to talk to you about my mucous plug.
~Yes, I'm going to avoid the question when you ask me if we're having sex.
~No, I don't feel like walking around the block.
~Yes, I'll let you know as soon as he's here. My "call me as soon as it happens" list is already about 20 people long, so what's one more?
~Yes, I still feel like shit.
~No, I'm still not scared of labor.

Cool stuff and shitty stuff

2008-05-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, cool stuff first. The lovely and talented Miss Ann sent an afghan for the baby! Holy shit people, this is the softest blanket I have ever held in my hands! Seriously, I can't even describe it. I guess that's what happens when you use good yarn instead of the sale bin shit my grandma uses. (Not that I don't love my grandma's afghans too, but they're not soft like that.

So, just to prove that Miss Ann isn't the only one who can take a shitty picture, here are some shitty pictures of the afghan:

The edging:

It has a nifty little tag too, but I left out a picture of that because it's not really my place to hand out her real name. Not like there's anyone left on the planet who doesn't know it, but you know.

Now the shitty part. Yesterday morning our rat, Tribble passed away. She got sick a couple weeks ago, but got better almost right away. We were pretty sure somebody gave her something she wasn't supposed to eat and she got a tummy ache. Well, then a week ago she started sneezing and acting really lethargic. We got her in to the vet as fast as we could, which was Thursday. He gave her a couple of shots, diagnosed her with a respritory infection brought on by mycoplasma, and sent us home with antibiotics. By this time she barely had the energy to eat, and her breathing was horrible, but she was trying to get better and she took her medicine like a champ.

Well, Saturday, yesterday, she gave up. Wolf was up with her most of the night, and when I got up around 8 or 9 she was still alive, but barely. By 11 she was gone. Rizzo, her cagemate, is doing pretty good. The infection she had isn't contagious, so we just have to worry about Rizzo going in to mourning. Yes, rats are actually that smart. All day Saturday she was really depressed. She wouldn't eat or drink and didn't want to be held. She just hid in her house all day long. Today though, she is letting us hold her for a few minutes at a time, and she's drinking her water and taking her favorite treats. She's still not eating her regular food, but we're ok with a junk food diet for a couple of days if that's what she needs.

What? I have a blog? Seriously?

2008-05-15T21:13:00.000-07:00

Dear uterus,

Pregnancy has been fun. I mean holy shit have I loved this. It's been amazing. I love the kicks and the questions. I love the kids coming up in groups of 10 wanting to rub my belly. I loved the baby shower and the amazing gifts. I love that I now have a blue room in my house with baby shit all over it. I love the weird food I'm allowed to eat and the fact that I have an excuse to buy whole milk without any guilt.

But the past week or two? Not so much fun. I'm now almost 37 weeks pregnant (full term is 38-42 for those not in the know). It looks like I smuggled a preschooler under my shirt. My back is in pain so constantly that I actually take notice when it doesn't hurt. I haven't slept more than an hour without having to pee so bad it hurts in a month. My feet don't even look like feet anymore. Oh, and in case you didn't notice, it's nearing 100 degrees outside and I work in it every afternoon.

Now I'm not saying that you should give up this kid before he's ready. I'd gladly deal with all of this for another year if it means my baby is healthy and ready for the wide world. But if you could just hurry things along a teeny tiny bit, I'd love you forever. We've always had a love/hate relationship, but you've really come to find my good side since you let me get pregnant so easily after so many years of questions. I promise to make Wolf get fixed so you don't have to deal with hormonal birth control ever again if you just make these last few weeks go by a little bit faster.

Even just knowing when you are close to ready would be great. According to the little due date calculator things, I'm due on 6-7-08. But when I first found out I was pregnant, I started keeping track of the weeks on my calendar. Well guess what? 6-7-08 falls on the day I become 41 weeks pregnant. So does that mean I'm actually due on 5-31-08? If my personal comfort is any indicator, then I was due about a week ago. Are you going to give up this kid anytime soon, or are you going to make me sit and wait until the doctors start pumping me full of all sorts of horrible medication to MAKE you give me my kid? I would love for you and I to continue this path of friendship, my dear uterus, I really would. So if you could just toss me a healthy newborn around the 31st or so, I will totally bake you some cookies as soon as I'm up to it. I promise.

Much love,
Virginia

Gratuitous belly shot

2008-04-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is what I see when I look down. And I still have almost 7 weeks until my due date. I'm going to look like one of those weeble wobble toys by the time June hits!

For the record, I am still totally in love with being pregnant. Sure, there are things to bitch about, like the fact that I can barely sleep anymore because NOTHING is comfortable, or that my feet are so swollen they look deformed and feel like they are going to split, or that the cigarette cravings never really went away, or the heartburn. Having the appetite of an elephant and a stomach the size of a walnut isn't much fun either.

But all of that? It's nothing, I swear. I'm totally not committing myself, but if you were to ask me right now if I would ever be a surrogate mother I would jump up and down at the chance. Of course, I'll have to see how I feel when I'm actually holding him in my arms first. Who knows what I'll think of the whole idea then. But this pregnancy thing? It fucking rocks. I even love it when people come up to me in the store and ask if I'm really sure that I'm not having twins. That, by the way, is the stupidest question ever spoken.

I fucking hate summer

2008-04-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

It's always a guessing game as to what nasty and annoying bug we're going to be overcome with in the summertime. Last year it was earwigs. They get into everything, and even climb the trees to hide in our hanging laundry.

Yeah, just picture one of these fuckers in your shirt when you put it on in the morning. Not fucking cool.

This year it seems like we're going to get hit with Mosquito Hawks, or Crane Flies according to Wikipedia. These basically look like 1.5 inch long mosquitoes. Luckily, they don't bite, but they can't really fly either which means they dive bomb me all day long and *gag* get stuck in my hair. They just sort of buzz around all day like they're drunk, hitting me in the face and driving the cats crazy.

Seriously, they push 2 inches sometimes. And they fly into my face. I just killed one. I think I'm going to vomit.

Insert title here.

2008-04-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

It is really becoming a burden that I'm so uncomfortable blogging about work. There is some crazy stressful shit going on that has actually forced me to call in sick today because I was up all night crying until I was sick. My boss is an insufferable, horrible, heartless bitch and I just can't fucking take her shit anymore, but I have no choice because who the hell is going to hire me when I'm 7 months pregnant? For the record? I don't call in sick. Ever. I have to be on my death bed to miss work. But today I'm not going. I called and left a message at 8:00 this morning telling her that I was up sick all night and I'll see her Monday.

I want nothing more than to explain all of the reasons why she makes my life miserable. All of the reasons why she is the cause for all of the problems in our program. All of the reasons why I should tell her where to stick her shit. All of the reasons I should go over her head. All of the ways she keeps us out of compliance with state regulations. But I can't. I work at a school and even though I keep this blog pretty far off the map, I just can't risk it.

But now I have a 3 day weekend and right now I'm making Lulabelles cake for her 15th birthday tonight with a new recipe that I hope is as awesome as it sounds. If it comes out good I'll post the recipe. It's just a variation on a box cake, but it sounds really good.

I just want May 28th to get here so summer break can start and I won't have to worry about work for almost 3 months.

Freak magnet

2008-04-06T11:42:00.000-07:00

My sister is a freak magnet. She's 21 and pretty damn hot if I do say so myself. She also works at a campground, and the summer tourists she tells me about could fill a book. Even though it's only April, the hardcore river rats are already starting to show up. The following conversation is repeated with a different subject at least once a weekend for her:

Tourist: I love Insane Clown Posse.
Sister: Oh yeah? So do I.
Tourist: I'm going to get their emblem as a tattoo on my wrist.
Sister: Which one?
Tourist: I'm thinking left.
Sister: No, which emblem?
Tourist: *blank stare*
Sister: *patiently waiting*
Tourist: You know, the one with the guy holding an axe.
Sister: Oh, you mean the Hatchet Man for Psychopathic Records?

Tourist: Yeah, that one! It's so cool. I have all of their albums.
Sister: That's really cool. I have 11 of them.
Tourist: Yeah, I have all the way before Dog Beats.
Sister: Dog Beats was their first album.
Tourist: Yeah, I know. That's what I meant.
Sister: *trying not to laugh*
Tourist: Anyway, yeah, I have all 10 albums. If you have a computer here you can burn them.
Sister: But they have 19 albums out now.
Tourist: Yeah, that's what I meant. They are so cool. Violent J and... what's the other one's name?
Sister: Shaggy
Tourist: Yeah, Shaggy. He's my cousin. We grew up together in Minnesota.
Sister: They're from Detroit.
Tourist: Yeah, I knew them before that.
Sister: They met in school. They grew up in Detroit.
Tourist: *blank stare* Yeah, I think I hear my group calling. I'll talk to you later.

Seriously, this shit happens to her All. The. Time. A few weeks ago she had a guy telling her that he could play every Metallica song ever written on his guitar. She told him that it was cheesy, but Enter Sandman will always be her favorite. The guy had never heard of Enter Sandman. She told him it was on the Black Album, and he said that's the one album he doesn't have. Then he went on to talk some more about he's their number one fan and he can play everything they've ever written.

Sometimes I'm greatful for my lack of a perfect body. At least I don't have to deal with that shit.

Time to get real

2008-04-02T11:51:00.003-07:00

Ok folks, time to get serious. I'm sure you've heard by now, but I feel so powerless right now all I can really do is help spread the word.

Lisa has cancer again. This is the third time and it's worse than ever before. She needs our help. We need to get her to Disneyland with her kids. Miss Ann is organizing a raffle drive to bring together $3000 so that Lisa's family can get the trip they deserve. If you don't know Lisa, read her blog. If you don't have time, click on the link below and just look at the outpouring of support she's getting. If this doesn't convince you that she is an amazing person then nothing will.

Click on the button below to find the details of the raffle and to donate.

Now for my personal thoughts: I am just heartbroken over this. I can't donate. I just can't. I always make a way to help out when I see something like this, but we can't make the bills right now. But I can spread the word. I'm going to talk to Wolf tonight to see if there's any way we can offer something up for the raffle, but I just don't know if we can manage that either. So please, give something. If nothing else, spread the word so that more people can have the opportunity to help.

Fuck today

2008-04-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

I hate April Fools Day. Hate it. I think it is a horrible excuse for a holiday. When I was in school I was always sick on April 1st. Laughing at someone else's expense isn't funny. There's nothing fun about feeling like an idiot.

With that in mind, please remember me today. I have to work with middle schoolers all afternoon. Hopefully I'll have a good hormone day and I won't end up in the bathroom crying.

Well shit. Is that bad?

2008-03-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I never denied being a hippy

2008-03-23T11:07:00.000-07:00

As time goes by, I predict that I'll get some good natured teasing for my choice to cloth diaper this little kickboxer inside of me. Yes, we are going to use cloth diapers. We're going to use prefold diapers (the kind your mom used that you have to fold, no matter what their name suggests) and covers. Most people think I'm crazy. I don't deny this either, but once you really look into cloth it's not as bad as it sounds. In fact, it's really no more difficult than disposables. Seriously. I promise. Well, I can't promise yet because I haven't done it yet, but in theory anyway.

The benefits are pretty obvious. It's cheap. It's good for the planet for the crunchy types. He will be less likely to get diaper rash because not only do they breathe better, they pull the moisture away from the skin better. Plus disposables have tons of freakish chemicals in them, many of which have been proven to cause cancer. Most people don't know that it's actually a federal offense to throw disposables away with household trash because of these chemicals. Of course this is one of those lovely laws that nobody pays attention to, so you can take that as you will. It's the blue shit that pulls the moisture down to the core that is the problem.

The downside is laundry. Really, that's pretty much it. A baby who gets exclusively breastmilk is super easy though, because breatmilk poop is water soluable. So this means no rinsing. I know most people think that's disgusting, but think about the other shit you throw in your washing machine. You don't rinse your clothes everytime you get something nasty on them because that's what a washing machine is for.

Once formula or solids are introduced, you do have to rinse. But they have all sorts of cool shit now to help with that. First there are rice paper liners that you can lay in the diaper and then flush. Technically you can rinse and reuse them a few times, but they're super cheap and septic tank friendly, so I'll just flush the bastards. Second they have little spray nozzles you can attach to your toilet just like the one on your sink. That means no dunking. You just spray it off and toss it in the laundry basket. Dunking was my mom's biggest bitch when she diapered my sister and I. You only have to flush one diaper before you hate the word.

Depending on how many diapers I end up with, I'll probably do a load of laundry every 3 days or so. Probably a little more while he's tiny and peeing every 5 minutes. Laundry includes a cold rinse (for stains) a hot wash with half detergent (to sanitize and wash) and another cold rinse (to get any leftover detergent). They can go in the dryer, but we already line dry out clothes when the weather alows, and line drying is best for stains anyway. So this means an extra hour or so every 3 days, during which I can do whatever I want waiting for the shit to finish. Running to the store for a pack of disposables takes about 20-30 minutes just about as often unless you stock up. So, there's really time saved with cloth.

Damn, this went from a blog post to an essay. I'm just really excited about this, and I sort of want to be a bit of a poster child for cloth diapers since I really don't know anyone under the age of 50 who has done it. There are even All In One diapers now that are put on just like disposables. They're more expensive and take hours to dry though, so I'm not going that route. I don't even need pins because they have these things called Snappi's (google it) that are way easier than pins.

Yeah, I'm a hippy, but it's all good.

Who knew showers were so hard?

2008-03-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

So the other day I said I wanted to get my thoughts down on baby showers.

I've always been the kind who saw the fun side of baby showers. I love shopping for baby stuff, I love the games, I love hearing stories from the pregnant ladies and the new moms. It's just a great time all around. I also love to recieve lots of long registries. I look at registries as a HUGE help. I mean, I'm shopping for a new mom here. I don't want to get her something she's going to have to go out and return or otherwise get no use out of.

The only time I've ever been turned off of a baby shower invitation was my cousin's. We hadn't seen each other in close to 5 years at the time, when all of a sudden here comes this baby shower invitation. We were really close as kids, so I thought it was nice that he remembered me. So, I looked up their registry thinking I could send them something small since there was no way I could travel to be there. There wasn't one single thing on all 3 of their registries for under $30. Not even some cute onesies or baby socks. Nothing under $30. They had the most expensive of everything. Cribs, changing tables, car seats, swings, sterling silver memory boxes, everything was top of the line.

That pissed me the fuck off and I didn't even RSVP. So, my registries are filled with a few expensive items (I have a crib but need a matress, car seat, swing, pack 'n play) but for the most part it's stuff between the $5 and $30 range. That way if people want to go in together to get something big, it's covered. If someone has a fairly high budget, they're covered. If someone is broke as fuck and just wants to do something nice, that's covered too. Why do some people not get this?

Invitations are a whole other mess. At work, people usually throw really informal showers for pregnant or engaged people. It's usually a potluck and then the guest of honor just takes the gifts home and brings back thank you cards. But, I don't know if this tradition carries over into the after school program or not. So, this means I have no idea if I'm getting a work shower or not. I don't care either way at all, but if I AM getting one, I don't want to invite people from work to my real shower and have them feel like they have to do both. I also really don't want to invite everyone, so I'll have to be sneaky about the 2 or 3 invitations I do hand out so I'm not leaving people out. I don't want to come right out and ask if I'm getting a work shower because that's tacky too.

This whole "Buy me a present" party thing is way harder than I thought it would be. I mean yeah, the presents are going to be awesome. But mainly I just want a fun afternoon.

The pictures are here!

2008-03-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

It was sooooo awesome! The lady was super nice. At first he wasn't cooperating, so she had me eat some candy and drink some juice, then she had me do all these stretches and get on all fours on the floor. Then he was moving so much she could barely follow him!

More pics will come once I have a chance to go over the DVD

Ok, first things first. Definitely a BOY! Daddy is proud of this one.

Here's his face and armpit!

Another face and armpit!

Face shot. That blob on the right is his leg!

Face and umbilical cord down by his chin

My favorite: A great shot of his hands and earlobe! lol

Click, click, click

2008-03-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

I feel like typing. I don't even know what I want to say, I'm just enjoying the sound of the keys. Click, click, click. Yes, I've become strange with these pregnancy hormones. It's kind of fun. It's like the lottery. How many mood swings will Virginia have today? I woke up tired, then got pissed at my body because I'm in the third damn trimester and I've started getting sick in the mornings, then I got happy because a friend of mine found a BITCHIN dress for her upcoming wedding, then stressed because I remembered that the van is still broken and my ultrasound is tomorrow, then happy again because my mom said she would drive us.

I've been awake for 2 hours.

Ugh, now I have heartburn. I'm sick of Tums. They taste gross.

But yeah, my 3D ultrasound is tomorrow! I always thought women who got these were sort of silly. I mean, to me? They all look the damn same. It's a cute little squished up baby face. Just do a google image search and you've got your baby pictures. (NOT that I endorse stealing other people's pictures. That's just beyond creepy.) But now that it's me, it's totally different. First off I want to know for sure that it's a little boy in there. This name thing really sucks and I don't want to stress on it if I don't have to. Girls names are way easier. Second, I'm going to see my baby! On a 100 inch projection TV! With my Mommy and my sister and the girls there! And my foster sister, who I miss soooooo much!

I'm due in about 2 1/2 months now. It's fucking insane. The "nursery" is still in shambles. I'm embarrassed at how full of shit out old bedroom was. I need to bring a trash can in there and just get happy. Once it's empty, we need to wash the walls (no matter how hard you try, it's impossible to keep walls clean when you have that much shit and furniture crammed into a room the size of a shoe box), then we need to paint, which is going to be fun because my sister has a cool idea. Then we carpet, then we can start moving baby shit in there.

My shower is May 3rd. I need to vent about showers too, but this post is getting long. Let's just say it kind of sucks figuring out the guest list. I mean, I'm going to be sending out invitations to a "give me presents" party. Blah. I need to get my registries going too. I already have Amazon, but I need to do Target and maybe Babies R Us. I've heard WalMart carries cloth diaper supplies too, so I might have to go there. Would 4 registries be totally tacky? It would, wouldn't it.

Fucking assholes.

2008-03-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

We live about 100-150 yards away from the local high school. (Was the word local a bit redundant there? Yeah, I thought so.) This morning the fire alarm started going off at around 5:30. No fire, just the gawdawful alarm. I finally called the sheriff's dispatch station at around 8:30, and it was off by 9. So much for sleeping in today.

*Update*

It started again at about 10am. It's now noon and it's still going off. I wonder if I should keep calling the sheriff station and complaining.

I'm officially fucked in the head.

2008-03-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm exhausted, but as of 6:30pm tonight, I'm officially on Spring Break. So I feel like I have to milk every last minute out of my first chance to sleep in. So if this is a muddled, confused mess, forgive me.

I had a HORRIBLE dream the other night. I dreamt that I was watching a movie starring Robin Williams called "What Time Gets." Yeah, it had a title. In my dream it was a full legnth movie with a really complicated and involved plot, but all I can remember now is the ending. Robin Williams had some sort of pact with time, and in order to stop all of these horrible things from happening, he had to kill himself. Then, his ghost had to bury his son alive, and then all was well again.

Yeah. SO fucked up. It was in high def digital shit too. In my dream I actually got up and crawled in bed with my Mommy because it made me so sad.

Then last night I randomly got "Big Girls Don't Cry" by *gag* Fergie stuck in my head around 3am. That gawdawful song actually kept me awake. In the morning I had to look it up on YouTube just to attempt to get it out of my head. It didn't work.

I go in for my 3D ultrasound next Wednesday. I can't fucking wait! It's going to be so awesome. I'll have a creepy, sepia toned, squished baby face picture up as soon as I can.

Kiss my toes. It's my birthday.

2008-03-08T20:29:00.000-08:00

I keep feeling like I have to apologize for not posting every time I post after a week or longer away. (That sentence is SO fucked up. OMG) But I figure that explaining and apologizing is pretty damn annoying. You guys know I suck at this. So I need to stop that impulse.

Today was my birthday! It was blissfully quiet. Nothing special at all. I loved it. I woke up to the girls giving me a handmade card (complete with Lulabelle's original Manga artwork) and then I Sim'ed for an hour or so. I had to go to a training thing at work, which sucks, but the girl who ran it was a lot of fun and there was free food, so it wasn't all bad.

My mom came over as soon as I was off work and gave me my presents. She got me everything I'll need to put my own cookbook together, which ROCKS because right now I'm just printing my favorite recipes every time I make them. So that's a good project for me that I've been wanting to do for a long time. My sister got me a Mother Goddess necklace that is gorgeous. I just need to get a bigger chain so I can wear Her under my shirt because damn does She have some big tits. I think the kids at school would like Her too much. Together they got me some Nesquik, which I mean, fuckin' A. You can't go wrong with Nesquik when you're talking to a pregnant woman. They got me some Nesquik socks too, and I fully plan on threatening the girls with a car wash hose if they try to steal them. (Ok, that was SUCH a bad joke, I'm embarrassed.

My grandma sent me $30, and my dad sent me $100 to pay for my 3D ultrasound on the 19th of this month! Wolf didn't get me anything because I told him I'd rather have the money for bills, so he's giving me a back rub tonight. He doesn't know it yet though.

I also found out that Kat Von D has my birthday! That is soooo cool because I've never been able to find a celebrity or historical figure that I share my birthday with. I'm totally cool with sharing with her though.

AAAAAAND, today is the first day of my third trimester! Can you fucking believe it? I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant! I'm due in 3 months! WTF?

The dissapearing puddle

2008-03-04T11:20:00.000-08:00

Mary Jane is my 8.5 year old pit mix. She hasn't had an accident since she was about 6 months old, and she always sleeps inside. She spends most of her day inside as well unless it's really nice out, especially lately because we had to move the fence so she doesn't have anywhere outside to get away from the elements at the moment.

About a month ago, we started noticing a puddle on the floor next to the sink every morning. It was really freaking us out because we couldn't find a leak under the sink. We were convinced that Calapy was making a mess at night when she did the dishes, but even when she started being really careful, that damn puddle was there. We were totally dumbfounded.

Yeah, you're putting two and two together WAY faster than we did.

The other morning I was sitting at the computer when Mary Jane walked right past me and pissed on the floor... you guessed it... right by the sink. (Right by the backdoor)

My poor baby can't make it through the night anymore! So now Wolf lets her out for a few minutes before he goes to bed (he's up late every night) and magic! The puddle is gone!

I feel so bad for her.

Book meme thing

2008-03-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

I got this from Mikerzz

Here are the rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people and post a comment here once you post it to your blog so I can come see!

She tears down the plowed path in her boots, and she's for sure going to give him hell, because it's her car, she knows it. She'll make the biggest scene, make him pay for lying. She might even smash a few things and then get good and drunk and stony cold silent, and maybe, just maybe, just maybe, she'll hurt him too.

This is from The Bitch Posse by Martha O'Connor, which btw, is an awesome book and you should read it.

I hate tagging people, so I officially tag everyone. If you don't do it, you're not my friend and you'll die in a freak toaster oven fire in 492 minutes.

Ok, so the chain letter thing isn't really funny. I'm in a sarcastic and bitchy mood today because I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick. Getting sick when you're pregnant sucks because there's basically nothing I can take for symptom relief. I can take Tylenol, and if it gets really bad I can take a half dose of Sudafed, but other than that I have to wait for another sinus infection to set in so my doctor can give me 10 days worth of itty bitty antibiotics.

I haven't done one of these in a while

2008-02-16T15:12:00.000-08:00

Miss Ann did this, and since I'm her bitch, I figured I would do it too.

1. What curse word do you use the most?
Probably Fuck. I say "What the fuck" a lot.

2. Do you own an iPod?
Yes. It was a waste of money though because I never use it. I should sell it.

3. Who on your MySpace “Top 8” do you talk to the most?
Wolf. Or my dog. Yes, my dog has a MySpace page. It's full of Pitt Bull information.

4. What time is your alarm clock set for?
I think 9 right now, but it's usually set for 6:16 and the second alarm is set for 6:30. This gives me two snoozes before the radio comes on with static.

5. What color is your room?
Apartment white. We're boring.

6. Flip flops or sneakers?
Sneakers.

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Take the picture. Everyone is screaming for pregnant belly pictures but I'm just not motivated.

8. What was the last movie you watched?
I illegally downloaded I Am Legend. It was good. I'll buy the DVD.

9. Do any of your friends have children?
Most of them do.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
At home, yes. Not at work though.

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
I've always been blessed with good sleep. But since I got pregnant I find myself taking Benedryl a couple times a week to catch up. Insomnia sucks ass.

12. What CD is currently in your CD player?
I have a 400 disk CD changer in the house, and a 10 disk changer in the van.

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Regular milk is disgusting. Chocolate milk rawks.

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Not that I remember.

15. Have you ever given someone a hickey?
Yes, but not in years. I hate recieving them so I never got into giving them. I did have a boyfriend once with a fetish for them though. He could draw blood. It was creepy.

16. Who was the last person to call you?
My sister. She works at a campground and someone left a brand new stroller there, so she called to see if I wanted it. I said yes.

17. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Oh hell yes.

18. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Oh hell yes. My favorite was (ok, still is) Animaniacs. I have the soundtrack.

19. How many siblings do you have?
Two. My little sister, who is 6 years younger than me, and my foster sister, who is 17 and married. *sigh* Long story.

20. Are you shy around the opposite sex?
No.

21. What movie do you know every line to?
My brain won't come up with a list, but there are several. Let's see... American Beauty, The Princess Bride, The Goonies, Natural Born Killers... I know there's more. We don't have cable.

22. Do you own any band t-shirts?
Just one from a local band that I won in a dance-off when I was 18. They broke up because they had a nasty habit of sleeping with each other's girlfriends. (No, I wasn't one of them)

23. What is your favorite salad dressing?
1000 island.

24. Do you read for fun?
Hell yes.

25. Do you cry a lot?
Yes.

26. Who was the last person to text message you?
My bff Robin.

27. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
Desktop.

28. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo?
As soon as the baby is here I'm getting mine fixed up, then I'll plan my next one. No piercings though. After taking out 7 of my 10 piercings, I've accepted the fact that my body doesn't like them.

29. What is the weather like?
Hot as hell in the daytime, and cold as shit at night.

30. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
It wouldn't really matter. Wolf doesn't have any, but I'm still working on him.

31. Is sex before marriage wrong?
No. In my humble opinion, waiting for marriage is kinda dumb.

32. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
1998

33. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
6. That's going to be tested soon though, and it's one of the few things about motherhood that really scares the SHIT out of me.

34. Are you in love or lust?
Yes.

35. Are your days full and fast-paced?
No.

36. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
Not even a little bit. I'm chowing down on some Boston Cream Pie at the moment.

37. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
28. 30 kind of scares me. Not because it's "old" but because it's so grown up.

38. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
A little bit, but not too bad. I usually notice but I'm not the type of person to point it out.

39. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes. Two of them.

40. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
It doesn't really matter. It used to be that I got along better with guys, but I've become sort of anti-social in the past few years. I have a greater mistrust for women though.

41. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yes, as long as it's not that reduced fat shit. I got that by accident a week or so ago. It's nasty. I think I'll feed it to the dog.

42. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
When I'm not pregnant I sleep on my stomach. But I've had to learn to sleep on my side.

43. Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
Yes, but not in a while.

44. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Yes. Hugs rock.

45. What song did you last sing out loud?
Unsent by Alanis Morrisette. It was on in the van and I was alone.

46. What is your favorite TV show?
I'm having fun catching up on Big Love and Smallville right now, but I also love Lost and America's Next Top Model. Just because I don't watch cable doesn't mean I'm above illegally downloading TV shows.

47. which celebrity, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with?
Johnny Depp. Not just because he's gorgeous either. I think he seems like a truly interesting person.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
There's a little butterfly kicking me in the cervix right now.

49. What one thing do you wish you had?
A nursery. It's coming though.

50. Favorite lyrics?

Only one? Hmmm.... Here's a good one:

"Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay."

Happy Valentines Day!

2008-02-14T09:06:00.000-08:00

Brain shutting down in 3...2...

2008-02-12T21:07:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to keep my head in one book lately. It's really strange. I've never been the sort of person to have a bookmark in more than one book at a time, but right now I'm "reading" 4 different books. I'll read one for a week or so, then pick up a different one. Maybe my brain is teaching itself to multitask?

I'm very tired lately, and I don't have patience for anything either. Today I had like, 5 kids come up to me at work and all start talking at once. None of them would wait. It was not cool. Every single one of them had something truly groundbreaking to talk to me about that would not wait and making them wait and speak in turn was like asking them to stand on nails. I suck at this. I need to find a job that has no responsibility, that will let me sit around downloading movies and surfing the net all day, and one that will only make me interact with other people when I'm totally bored. Any ideas?

Work sucks

2008-02-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

Work is taking it's toll on me. I generally don't like to talk about work because I work at a school and I'd be pissed as all hell if someone blogged about my kids. But I'm not blogging about the kids so it's all good.

Well, I'm sort of blogging about the kids. But not really.

I am in charge of 4th through 8th graders in an after school program. I'm a district employee. On any given day there are 60-70 kids in my group, and I share the responsibility with two other adults. (Our official title is activities leader) That's 60-70 kids, aged 10-14. Many of these kids are discipline cases. Many of them are from less than perfect homes. Most of them are really great kids, but like any other group of people, when you get them together all hell breaks loose.

Roll call is a nightmare. They are running around, yelling, throwing shit, it's insane. We should be able to control them though, right? Well, you'd think so. One of the other leaders has been there for about 6 years. She loves her job, but she's a total softie. The other leader and I are new. Neither of us has any real experience with kids on this sort of scale. We are both great with the kids, and have built a real rapport with them, but the "old" leader has way more authority than we do. And she's a softie. Do you see how this doesn't work?

The program director is, well, lazy. And sarcastic. And lazy. I'm not supposed to send kids to her for discipline. I was told that the only reason I should send them to the office is for fighting, but when I do that I get chewed out too. She doesn't want to deal with them. It is very frustrating and the kids know how badly my hands are tied. I can take away privilages (Fridays are electronics days, when they get to play the PlayStation. I can take that away) and I can put them on a time-out. If they get really out of control I can write them up and then the director can decide if she wants to call the parents. She usually doesn't.

So here I am, day after day, with 60-70 little shits running around who know they don't have to listen to me. I try to be cool and talk to them like people, since that's what they're used to, and I get snowballed. I try to be authoritative, and they get disrespectful and rebel against me. I try to find a middle ground, but that place is different for every kid so then I get accused of playing favorites.

I don't have a point. I just needed to vent a little. I don't get paid enough for this crap.

On first big movements.

2008-02-02T11:17:00.000-08:00

So the other night, around 3am or so, Wolf made a really loud noise in bed and woke me up. Not only did he wake me up, he startled the baby enough so that I felt him move with my hand for the first time ever! I was really excited but still so tired I didn't give it a lot of thought.

In the morning, I was telling him about it and asking what the noise was because I couldn't remember. He got all quiet and I asked him what was going on. That's when it hit me. My memory came back.

The asshole farted. The first time I feel the baby move on the outside and it's from Wolf's ass. At least this will be a good story to embarass him with when he's in high school.

It's all good

2008-01-30T08:45:00.000-08:00

I forgot because I suck.

Remember like, a month ago, when I had a blood test done that I was debating on? And then they took their sweet time getting back to me about it? Well, it finally came back last week and everything was negative. So that's good.

On another note, sorry for the religion post the other day. I promise I won't do that often.

There's a lady on The Today Show right now who sells tasers. You know, like the ones the cops are using on everybody that moves here lately? She has parties for them. She's talking about how she has so much fun at her friends parties. "Tupperware parties, Pampered chef, um... other parties" Nice save lady. We all know you go to Pleasure Parties on the weekends. You don't have to lie.

Why do I bother?

2008-01-28T14:54:00.000-08:00

So a friend of Wolf's came over and found out that I'm not a Christian. He didn't bother to find out what I believe or why I chose to move away from the church. He just found this out and decided that he was going to use his superior mental ability to convert me. Ever since then every time he comes over we go back and forth.

Let me say first of all that I don't hate Christians or Christianity. Anyone who can stand strong to their faith with such an enormous lack of logic and proof is someone I respect as long as they can show me that same respect. The logical flaws in the Christian religion are huge, and it takes a strong person to realize them and still hold strong to their faith, so I'm not bashing here at all. Promise.

My frustration with this guy is that he is SUCH a sheep. I mean DAYUM. He has made it his goal in life to show me "the light" and I've warned him that I have very well thought out reasons behind my beliefs. I will never try to convert him, but I warned him that it will probably sound that way from time to time. He says he up to the task, so I stopped holding back.

Today, I printed out The Eleven Rules of the Earth as laid out by Anton LaVey. I printed it out without a header and asked his opinion. Besides rule #7 (which deals with magic) he said they were good laws. When I told him where they came from he said they were all lies and evil. Even "9. Do not harm little children" is wrong and evil because it was written by a Satanist. He refuses to believe that the world is less than black and white. He refuses to accept that non-Christians have morals. When I pointed out direct contradictions in the Bible, he said I had Satan in me and it was all lies, even though we were looking up the verses together to make sure I wasn't taking them out of context. All lies.

This frustrates me to no end. I don't really have a point here. I'm just frustrated. I don't expect this guy to give up his faith no matter what I throw at him. In fact, I would lose even more respect for him if he gave up a lifetime worth of faith over what one person says. But I get really frustrated at the black and white mentality that some people (not just Christians) show.

The book

2008-01-27T11:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I finished the book. I loved it. Completely and totally. I was even so caught up in the last few chapters I forgot to pay attention to the contractions that were bothering Miss Ann so much. I was going to go back and look, but my sister showed up and took it home, so I didn't get a chance to. Seriously, go get this book. Like now.

One thing I will comment on is that Miss Ann said she couldn't connect with the teenage versions of the characters. Her theory is that they were teenage girls of the 90's and the author tried (and failed) to put them into the 80's with music references. Well, since I'm not old enough to remember what teenagers were like in the 80's (hehehe) I just have to go by how well I connected to them as a teenager of the 90's. With that, I'd have to agree with her. I connected to the teenage versions of the characters like CRAZY. My best friends and I could have written huge chunks of that book ourselves. She really captured it for me. So, I guess I'll have to agree with Miss Ann on that. The author did a great job of capturing teenagers of the 90's, but failed to translate them into the 80's.

I still love it, and I'll read it again as soon as I get it back.

No bitching

2008-01-25T22:42:00.000-08:00

It's been pointed out to me by a few people that I don't bitch about being pregnant. I remember, back in the days when I didn't think I could get pregnant, I HATED hearing women bitch about the unpleasant pregnancy symptoms. Sore back? Hearburn? Swollen feet? Boobs that hurt if you look at them wrong? I didn't want to hear any of it. I mean, you're creating a human being! I don't give a shit if your skin turns purple and you bleed from your navel, how dare anyone bitch?

Well, while it's true that I try to keep my bitching to a minimum that only Wolf and the girls hear, it is also true that a big chunk of this pregnant thing isn't a whole lot of fun. At the end of (what seems like) a long day of dealing with 60+ middle school students on a freezing cold playground, I am fucking miserable. My back hurts. I'm sick of having a uni-boob because all that fits is sports bras. Water gives me heartburn and it's only going to get worse. I get weird little cramps in muscles I didn't even know I had. I can't sleep because my heart is beating so loud it keeps me awake.

But you know what? None of that shit matters because I feel my son (MY SON!) moving inside of me every day. As I write this he's doing jumping jacks on my bladder and it is the most amazing feeling I could ever describe. Seeing a baby (A BABY!) on that ultrasound monitor made the whole world disapear. Building a third bedroom so we can have a nursery (A NURSERY!) is mind boggling. Creating a registry on Amazon and having people ask me about names and baby showers and diaper choices and breastfeeding and hospitals makes me feel like I'm dreaming about living someone else's life. (To answer those questions: Email me for the link, no idea on names, no word on a shower, we're going to cloth diaper and breastfeed, and I'm going on hospital tours in a month or so)

So yes, there are things that could be easy to bitch about, but I don't see the point. It would be like an all expense paid vacation to Paris and bitching about stale peanuts on the plane. Only it's a trip to Mars. And there's Dryers Ice Cream instead of Ben & Jerrys.

So, no bitching from me. Well, maybe a little bit, but I would go through it 100 times for the feeling in my belly I'm still having right now.

Frustrating.

2008-01-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

It seems that with the onset of Pregnancy Brain (which BTW I always thought was just a joke, but it is SO REAL) I have lost the ability to write in a way that accurately portrays tone. This is a challenge for a lot of people, but I think I've always had a way of portraying sarcasm as sarcasm and light hearted comments as, well, light hearted. But here lately, I feel like I'm writing in a very flat tone. In my last post, I felt bad that people were worried by my little "Note to self" post. People were thinking something was wrong, but I thought it was sort of clear that I was going to post something that I was reminded by through Miss Ann's fake people revelation. Well, when I said that, I realized later that it sounded like I was irritated or confused by people's confusion. That sucks even more.

This is really frustrating. Even as I read what I've already written, it feels really flat to me. Void of feeling I guess you could say. Maybe I'm just out of the habit of writing? I certainly let this blog go for a while. I haven't written in anything besides my pregnancy journals on a consistent basis in months.

So, please stick with me through this. I desperately feel like writing again, but I'm finding it really hard to do so. Even in the bulk of my last post, I don't feel like I got my feeling across. I can't put my finger on it, but something is definately missing from my writing. (Besides the fact that I ALWAYS spell definitely wrong. I just can't get that fucking word)

Fake people

2008-01-24T18:56:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm... not sure why everyone asked if everything was ok with the last post, I thought I made it pretty obvious it was related to Miss Ann hating people. Not sure. I said in my comments a few minutes ago that I'd finish this post tomorrow, but fuck it. I finished it tonight anyway.

Anyway, here's the story and here's why I don't trust people. I haven't trusted people in a long time, but an experience I had at an online community made my mistrust seep into my online world as well.

I joined a pretty big parenting board. I'm not going to name them because, well, they're controlled by a group of bitches and I don't want to fuel a fire or give them links. It's not CafeMom or any of the other commercial sites out there, more of an alternative parenting board, but still pretty damn big.

I joined their board and felt at home pretty instantly. They have tons of security measures to keep their members safe, and the women there rocked my world. Seriously. These were some cool bitches. All tattoo'ed and punked out and they really knew where I was coming from in life and in parenting. I was there for, shit, maybe 8 months or so of active posting? I even went around recruiting new members. I became really close to a few as well.

As I started to really learn how things worked and started to make friends with the women who ran the show (Ironically the actual owner is really cool. It's her "staff" I guess you could say that needs a bitchslap) I started to realize that things weren't really cool. Remember when we first got Sheera and I said someone from a message board was going to help pay for her vet bills? She was from there. When she offered, I started getting PM's from people telling me to be careful because they don't trust her. She lies alot according to them. Then I watched another girl end up on the recieving end of a damn lynch mob because she didn't "respond properly" when her neighbor sexually harassed her. Yeah, according to these people she didn't respond with textbook accuracy, therefore she was a liar and they all jumped on her in public.

I was starting to get worried, to say the least. One night in chat (They have a chat room) one of the admins was talking about how her son has a fake MySpace profile and he uses it to meed people and play pranks on his friends. I thought it was funny. Good, harmless fun for a decent human being, which I assume her son is. In fact, my sister has one as well. She doesn't hurt anyone with it, just plays around. It really is victimless. A few days later I thought it would be fun to start a thread on MySpace stalking, since that's what most people use the damn site for anyway.

Big mistake.

I went to bed that night, and when I woke up the thread I made had exploded. People were calling me every name in the book. And get this... I acctually apologized. Yeah. I wrote an apology letter to the whole board because I felt BAD about shaking their trust. That's when it really got ugly. All these women who called me friend and invited me to their houses for BBQ's were suddenly saying they didn't like me from the beginning. They always knew I was a fake and they never trusted me and "the fakes will always be found out in the end" and shit like that. It was just such a serious fucking blow. Come to find out later they really were targeting me. I was on a "list of suspects" so to speak of people who they pretend to like until they can find a reason to publicly humiliate me.

The really sad thing? It fucking bothered me. I actually cried over losing these women. How sad is that? I cried for two fucking days because I thought these bitches were my friends. I thought they cared but they were just pretending ON PURPOSE. Before that, I always thought that I kept people at arms reach. I've had people in my "real" life do this to me many times. But I thought I would be safe from that kind of hurt online. I thought I had found people who understood me, who listened to me and cared about me.

It was a serious wake-up call and ever since then I have become a cutter-outer, as Miss Ann puts it. I don't waste my breath on people who I can't trust. There are plenty of people in the blogosphere who I don't like, who I don't trust. They know exactly who they are, but even though they have tried to bait me into their drama, I have learned to click the x. People like this have made me a little bit cold. If I've ever given you reason to believe that I value your friendship, then you can believe I fucking mean it. If I've ever given you reason to believe that I don't like you, you can believe that too. But about 90% of the people out there I know fall in the middle, and that makes me sad. I hate that I keep people at arms reach. It takes years for me to trust someone, and you can bet your ass I'm watching for people to show me that they are fake. I won't automatically call someone on every little thing I see, but I will slowly fade away. I don't even read blogs of people I DO care about anymore because I have this shield around myself. It really does make me sad.

Note to self:

2008-01-24T13:27:00.000-08:00

Write more about fake people. Specifically fake friends in internet communities.

Note to friends: Comment on this post so I'll get an email reminding me to post.

Thanks a million.

Books and Bad Karma

2008-01-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

I can't stop thinking about what I wrote the other day about the book Miss Ann sent me. While it is true that the first chapter is a sex scene involving masochistic blood letting, I think that is an unfair portrayal of the book as a whole.

Without giving too much away, The Bitch Posse is about 3 girls who get severely fucked up by teenage bad choices (and bad parents) in the lat 80's, and then it follows them 15 years later to see how fucked up their lives really are. I'm just over halfway through it and I'm forcing myself to read slow because I am in LOVE with this book. Seriously. Miss Ann has awesome taste. I don't think it's for everyone though. There were a few scenes that made me sit a little uncomfortably, but damn does this book hit hard.

And now Miss Ann is all pissed off about fake people. I know she must be pissed because she closed comments. So for the record, I'm not trying to be a 'yes man' but this is exactly the reason I don't have friends outside the internet. Fuck people. Seriously.

It's a...

2008-01-23T20:33:00.000-08:00

BOY! Well, we're pretty sure it's a boy anyway. The little bugger had his legs closed, but we are pretty sure we saw something there. She froze the image and made it highlight the umbilical cord, and it was in a different place, soooo.... She said that since this is my first it should be pretty easy to get my insurance to pay for a second u/s in a month or so when we'll have better luck. But we all agreed that there was something there, so we're going with boy! Woot!

Now I need to figure out names. Hell, I need to figure out a nickname to use for him here!

Fuck it

2008-01-21T16:50:00.000-08:00

I can't find all of the images for my old template, so I erased the fucking thing. I liked it and all, actually I loved it, but I don't have the energy or motivation to try to track down the images and fix it. So, here you go. A free blogger template I found on the first link in a google search. Hey, it's chocolate so it can't be all bad. Actually I think it's kind of nice.

I went to Target today and got a pair of maternity pants. I'm only 4 1/2 months along but I'm already getting huge. They're a little big, but that'll change soon enough.

Miss Ann, for the record, has awesome taste in books. The book she sent me is really something else. The very first chapter is a sex scene involving sado-massochistic blood letting. It only gets better from there so far. Totally awesome.

Horray for Cream Filling!

2008-01-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

The lovely and talented Miss Ann sent me a package! Woot! My wonderful mailman always brings me my packages so that I don't have to take the stupid slip to the post office, but he always scares the shit out of me in the process. The only people who knock on my door before noon are missionaries and the mailman, and the dog knows this. So when he knocks, the dog FREAKS OUT and starts barking like she just got tasered, LAPD style.

Once my heart was back in my chest, I realized that my Ring Dings were here! For my fellow west coasters who have never heard of a Ring Ding, you really need to get a friend to send them to you. They are like Ding Dongs, but instead of a half teaspoon of cream filling like Hostess delivers, they are FULL of the shit! It is fucking awesome.

I also got the book she was swooning over, The Bitch Posse. I haven't had anything decent to read in about a month, so this is very welcome.

Thank you Miss Ann! (My email says you just commented on my last post, asking if the box came yet. Impatient much! lol)

Insanity

2008-01-15T11:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the downer post Sunday. I really didn't plan on posting about Bryan, but the anniversary hit me HARD and I was up late trying to get it out so I could get some sleep. Thanks for the hugs and support. I still miss him so much.

On to happier things, I'm officially 19 1/2 weeks pregnant now. This Sunday I'll be halfway there! I'm feeling little tiny kicks every day now and I can't wait until they get stronger and I can start letting people feel them with me! I go in next Wednesday, the 23rd for my ultrasound and (fingers crossed) they'll be able to tell me the gender then! I STILL haven't heard back about the Quad Marker Screen though, so I'm on the voicemail to my doctor every day trying to get her moving. Hopefully they didn't lose it or anything. It's been almost 3 weeks now and I'm getting sort of pissed. I had someone look at my chart while I was on the phone with her last week, and she said it wasn't back yet. Assholes.

Last night a friend of my sister's gave us a crib. It is a beautiful light brown finish and in absolutely perfect condition. The matress is even stain-free, so a few good shots with Lysol is all we need! She gave me a matching sheet/bumper/quilt set too, but it's Pooh Bear and I'm not crazy about it, so it'll be a backup, which is always good. So now we have: a box of cloth diapers, a onesie, a sling, a crib, a sheet/matress/bumper set, and a little hat that will only work if it's a boy but it's SOOOO cute I couldn't say no. The third bedroom is probably still a few weeks away from done, so hopefully in the next month or so we'll have all of our stuff moved to the new bedroom so we can start making a nursery!

I just can't believe this is all happening. Some days it's so real I'm almost paralyzed by it. Some days it feels like it's all a dream and my bubble will burst any second. It's like I'm waiting for the men in white coats to take me away because I'm having a hysterical pregnancy and everyone is looking at me like I'm crazy and just making it up. But then I feel a little kick and it all comes back that it's real. In about 5 months I'll be posting baby pictures. It's insane.

Edit: Am I the only one who's seeing little x's instead of my images?

I still miss you Bryan

2008-01-13T01:13:00.000-08:00

Bryan was born with FAS and addicted to cocaine, though his mother wouldn't admit it but to those closest to her. I met him about two years ago when I started working in his classroom, and I later worked with him in his home as a respite care worker. He had the mental ability of about an 11 month old, but the physical ability of a toddler. Basically, he had no verbal communication skills but he could walk and run. He was fed through a tube because there was enough brain damage to impair his ability to relate hunger with food.

On January 13, 2007, he passed away very suddenly from a heart attack. We knew there was a small hole in his heart, but the doctors were certain it wasn't big enough to cause concern. He simply collapsed on the afternoon of the 12th, and was kept alive by machines until the early hours of the morning on the 13th. He was 10 years old.

I love you Bry-guy, and I'll never forget you. I didn't expect this anniversary to hit me quite so hard.

How did I come from this?

2008-01-08T22:21:00.000-08:00

I still haven't gotten the results from my test, but they warned me that it would take a while because they have to ship it out to have it read. So, I'm telling myself that they forgot to call because everything is fine. Until I know better, however, I'm going to call at least twice a day.

My dad is a moron. I don't know if I've mentioned this or not. He is a hard core Christian Republican, which doesn't automatically mean moron. I know several Republicans and tons of Christians who are smart people. But he just does whatever Bush tells him to without thinking about it for himself at all. I hate sheep. I know there are intelligent Bush supporters out there. They are few and far between, but they do exist. There are also intelligent Christians out there. I've met several of them.

Anyway, that's not my point. For Christmas, my dad sent me a book. He marked it and said I could open it as soon as the package arrived. He assured me that it's not political or religious, but he hates reading and he loved this book so he wanted to share it with me. Ok, I can handle that.

So I get the damn thing and open it, and it's a book called The First Commandment and it has a picture of the American flag on the cover. Not political or religious, huh?

So I'm trying really hard to get in to this book anyway, but I'm finding it very difficult. The chapters are all 2-3 pages long which makes it extremely easy to put down, and so far it's about terrorism. There was one scene (fairly early in the book so I don't consider this a spoiler) where the terrorist knocked a woman out, covered her in commercial grade bug food, and threw a bucket of locusts on her to eat her flesh until she came to. What a nice book to send your pregnant daughter, right?

If it gets too much more gory I'm putting it down. At least I can say I tried.

Blah blah blah

2008-01-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

Still waiting for the results of the Quad Marker test, but my Glucose Tolerance Test came back great. No gestational diabetes for me! Woot!

Life has be blissfully boring the past two weeks that I've been off work. I am seriously not looking forward to going back on Monday. If anyone has any tips or ideas on how to not only entertain, but connect with 60+ middle school assholes, I'm all ears.

Pregnancy stuff

2007-12-28T14:44:00.000-08:00

I just got back from having more blood sucked from my veins. I had the Quad Marker Screen done. I was actually really arguing with myself over whether or not I wanted to even do this test. There are fairly high rates of false positives which leads to amniocentesis, which can be dangerous. All of this, and even if there were a problem, it wouldn't change a damn thing. I would still keep the baby and love it. It wouldn't be born into regret, fear, or dissapointment.

But, in the end, we decided that in the event that there were something wrong, early treatment is best for the baby. Knowing early so we can prepare emotionally is important as well. I still don't know if I made the right choice. I guess it doesn't really matter now though.

In brighter news, I got to hear the heartbeat for the first time yesterday. It was going strong at 154 beats per minute which, according to my grandmother, means it's a girl. But the Chinese Gender Prediction Chart says I'm having a boy, so it's back down to 50/50. Next month sometime I'll get my big ultrasound though, so hopefully the baby cooperates and we can find out if it's a boy or a girl. We're not really hoping either way, but we're dying to know.

Would you kiss me in the rain?

2007-12-27T09:16:00.000-08:00

WTF is up with people who post these lame ass, 5th grade bulletins on MySpace? I mean, I've been guilty of doing the cheesy survey things. They're fun and a neat time killer. But my cousin (yes, my cousin. How gross!) posts these damn things all the time and it makes me gag.

Here's a snippet of one:

Would you makeout with me? Would you kiss me?
[] With Tongue [] Yes [] No [] []

Would you sleep with me?
[] In an instant! [] Yes [] No [] Maybe

Am I attractive?
[] Heck no [] hot as Hell [] Fine [] Cute [] Okay [] Ugly!

Would you love me?
[] To death [] Yes [] No [] As a friend [] Already do

Do you think I'm a virgin?
[] Yes [] No [] Idk

Would you want to take my virginity?
[] Yes [] No [] I don't think you're a virgin

Gag! They're usually about 30 questions like this! If you are single and looking for your soulmate, don't you think there is a better way to go about it instead of asking your entire friends list if they want to take your virginity? Seriously? Can anyone explain this to me?

One pair of matching bookends

2007-12-26T17:02:00.000-08:00

I have the theme song to The Patty Duke Show stuck in my head. It's been 3 days now. I haven't seen this show in 20 years. WHY do I even remember it, and WHAT is it doing in my head?

ETA: For you're psychopathic listening pleasure:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2007-12-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and all that shit.

More than plastic

2007-11-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

With Christmas coming again, the good ol' Bratz debate is heating up in mommy board world. (Yes, I've been reading mommy boards. Fucking shoot me please.) The basic argument is that Bratz dolls are little sluts, and they teach young, impressionable girls how to be little sluts. I've got to admit, they have a point. The dolls are dressed in micro-mini skirts and have more makeup then a drag queen would dare wear in public. They also have freakishly large feet, but that's not part of the debate.

I've heard from moms from all sides of this debate, from the "Who the fuck cares" side, to the "I won't even let my daughter look at the Sears catalogue" side and everywhere in between. They are afraid that Bratz dolls (and often Barbie is guilty as well) will harm their daughters self esteem and make her think that it's ok to dress like a slut. They even accuse the creators of the dolls of being pedophiles.

Personally, I think they're a bit too complacent about their children's upbringing. The day I rely on a doll to determine my daughters' self image is the day I've failed as a parent. If you don't like the dolls, don't buy them. It's that simple. But if a doll is capable of turning your daughter in to a slut all by itself, you need to look in to therapy for your little girl. Seriously. This is out of fucking control. The girls both had Bratz dolls when they were young enough to care. We talked about their clothes. With zero prompting from me, the girls agreed that the dolls looked cold and they should wear pants. That was the extent of their worry about the wardrobe. Now that they are reaching teenagerhood, they both dress conservatively because that's how they are most comfortable. They both know that clothes do not make a person, and they both love themselves. That's because we, as parents, taught them that. We didn't hand them a box of toys and sit them in front of the TV to teach them about the world and their own self worth.

So, if you're one of the ones who thinks Bratz dolls are responsible for the rising teenage pregnancy rates, I think you need to think long and hard about what makes a person, about what makes a woman. You have every right not to like the dolls, but don't give them too much power. They are, after all, just plastic. If you want your daughter to grow up to be more than plastic, you have to give her more than plastic.

Professor Dream Symbols

2007-11-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you're actually smarter than your college professor?

I decided to take a class this semester on Abnormal Psychology. I know quite a bit on the subject already, from a layman's viewpoint anyway, so I thought that an actual class would be great. I am morbidly fascinated with abnormal psych, so I was totally thrilled about the whole thing.

The first problem was that in my class of 20 students (it's a JC), about 18 of them are complete morons. A girl wanted to know if she was psychic because she dreamed of her grandma a week after she died. This is the sort of thing that's talked about by everyone.

The second problem came when the professor entertained these questions. I mean, she can't very well tell the girl she's a moron, but the professor is a licenced family and marriage counselor, so I figured she'd have a tactful way of putting the girl down nicely. Instead, she spent 20 minutes interpreting the dream one cliche' ridden symbol at a time, only to conclude that the girl is, indeed psychic. Seriously.

There have actually been a handful of times when I had a question, believe it or not. It usually came from finding a hole in the text, but since Professor Dream Symbols is my only person to ask questions of, she gets them. I think I've asked maybe a half dozen questions in the time I've been in her class. Would you like to know the answer to every single one? Yes, they all have the same answer! "Wow, that's a great question! You should do your term paper on it!" This is right about where she starts digging for another dream question.

I'm surrounded by morons. I can't even go to a place of higher learning to escape them.

I'm boring.

2007-10-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

I actually spent about 3 seconds considering that NaBloPoMo or whatever the fuck it is where you have to post once a day all month. I thought maybe it would get me back in the mood for blogging, back in the habit I guess you could say. Then I remembered why I haven't been updating lately. I'm insanely boring. Work is stressful but I love it. I, however, can't talk about it at all because, well, I work in a school and I'm not at all interested in THAT lawsuit. My home life has become a constant cycle of cooking something that I'm craving and then finding out 3 bites in to it that it is disgusting because my body hates me and nothing tastes right anymore. This baby is a seriously picky eater, let me tell you. In the past 2 weeks, the only thing I've eaten that actually tasted good was hot wings and spaghetti. (not together, thankfully.) Everything else tastes like cardboard.

The girls drive me crazy, but not too bad lately. They know that I'm on edge. Mood swings aren't too bad, but it takes any little thing that even resembles a crisis to send me in to meltdown mode. Luckily Wolf can calm me down pretty fast. Calapy stepped on a nail yesterday and we spent 4 hours in the ER and another hour at the clinic because I couldn't wait in the ER for another minute, only to find out that she just had her tetanus booster in April so she doesn't need a shot. All of that for the doctor to give her a fucking band-aid.

Oh yeah, and pregnancy brain? Totally real. I thought it was just another excuse that pregnant women (rightfully) used, but it's totally real. My brain doesn't work. At all. I'm a total flake. I have to check the calendar 5 times a day just to make sure I'm not missing anything. I have notes written on my hand daily, sometimes 2 or 3 of them. It sucks. So if I was supposed to write or call anyone, just call me or write me again because I forgot and I'm not going to remember anytime soon.

So yeah, if I were to do the NaBloPoMo thing, it would just be 30 repeats of this, give or take. It also seems that I'm becoming more adept at the run on sentence. It's a fine art.

Work and bad genes

2007-10-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a permanent job! Woot! I'm going to be an after school enrichment leader or some shit like that. It's about 20 hours a week, which isn't great, but it leaves me open to sub in the mornings so it'll work great. Officially I'll be in charge of 4th and 5th grade girls, but since we're so insanely understaffed it's going to be me and another leader in charge of 4th through 8th grade students. Like, all of them. Probably about 50 of the little shits. But next week I'll have 1st graders, so that's awesome.

I told my dad today, so anyone on my myspace doesn't have to keep their mouths shut anymore. He really is a moron. I decided to tell him I'm pregnant with a "Happy Birthday Grandpa" card, since this will be his first "real" grandchild. Just to make sure he understood, I signed it, "Surprise! Love Wolf, Virginia, Lulabelle, Calapy, and your future grandchild!" I even wrote "Call me as soon as you open this" on the envelope. He didn't get it. This actually means he didn't read it, but whatever.

Mood swings? Me?

2007-10-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

The following contains ramblings from a woman who is 6 weeks pregnant and is still learning her symptoms. Many of these ramblings contain information that any rational human being would not want to hear. You have been warned.

I think I'm having mood swings. I am SOOOOO happy about this pregnancy and I am SOOOOOOO excited, but I got of work tonight and turned in to superbitch. Let's see...

(This should be read as fast as possible and in one breath)

I got 4 hours of sleep last night and I had to drive forever to take my mom to the doctor this morning and then I worked all afternoon with a bunch of asshole middle school kids WHO I HATE and we're out of everything I want to eat and I'm breaking out like a 14 year old and I have pimples ON MY BACK and I haven't pooped in 3 days and I'm tired and grumpy and uncomfortable and my pants are too small because I'm so full of shit and the fiber is just making me bloated and I'm tired and I want some macaroni and cheese god dammit.

But yeah, I'm really happy and stuff!

That's right!

2007-10-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, you saw that right! I'm pregnant! Holy shit, right? 27 years old and finally having a little monster of my own! I'm due on June 7th, which makes me 6 weeks pregnant. I can't believe it! The only person who doesn't know at this point is my dad. His birthday is next week, so I sent him a "Happy Birthday Grandpa" card yesterday. So that means keep yer' traps shut on myspace if you know me there, k?

...

2007-10-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm lame. But I love me anyway.

2007-10-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

I was bored today, so I took pictures of my Barbies. According to a super scientific MySpace quiz, however, Jennifer and Rachel are BOTH more Barbie than I am.

Happy happy

2007-10-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

I bought a Barbie. She's a Halloween Barbie and she has a witches had and purple streaks in her hair and she's sew pritty. I think I'll do a photo shoot this weekend. This makes me happy.

I signed up to work as a sub in the rest of the local schools. I'm available for all positions under teacher (and administrator, obviously) in two elementary schools and a middle school. So far I worked all day yesterday and I have a half day today. This also makes me happy. I'm going to apply for a permanent position for the after school program as well, where I'll be a recreation and education leader or some such shit like that. It'll be around 20 hours a week on top of subbing, and I'll be in charge of my own group. It will make me happy.

Temptation is all around me.

2007-09-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

I think I want to start collecting Barbie dolls. Seriously. I loved Barbie when I was a kid, and every time I go to the store I always find myself looking at them. I don't want them all perfect and in their boxes though. I want to change their clothes and fix their hair. I want a bunch of Barbies sitting on my dresser, all fixed up and posed and cute and shit.

Yes, I'm losing my mind. That's ok though. It's fun here.

Avoiding my Pink Elephant

2007-09-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

Man, I really suck at this blog. It's starting to piss me off how I can go a whole day, on and off the computer, not doing anything important at all, and not once does it occur to me that I should post. Not once. I read my feeds, comment now and then, and don't even consider posting.

There's a big ol' pink elephant in the room right now, and it's driving me crazy that I can't talk about it. A few of the peeps from DIST know what I'm talking about. I just don't want to put it out there yet because it's too much pressure. Hopefully I'll be able to talk about it soon. Don't worry, it's a good thing. (I think)

The girls are driving me batshit crazy, but that's normal. Calapy has started acting out, and I'm pretty sure she's just trying to get us so fed up we'll send her to live with her mom. That's the only sense I can make out of it. She does stupid little shit just for the express purpose of pissing me off. Little things that she doesn't gain anything from. If she were 14 or 15 we might just let her go, but not at 12. She can't take care of herself yet, and at SFWB's house, she'll have to.

I quit McDonalds! I'm getting a job at the after school program at my local elementary school. I qualify for a teacher's aide position too, but I'm still clinging to hope that we'll get more kids in my classroom and I'll be able to work there. I'm just not ready to give up. So, this position will allow me to still be available for them. It won't be a ton of hours, but it will be enough and it pays fairly well, so that will make up for it. I just couldn't stand going to McDonalds for one more second. The hat was destroying my scalp and the used POS shirt they gave me for my 30 day probation was driving me mad. Add that to the fact that I'm not very good at taking orders from 19 year old little bitches, and it was just doomed to not work. I'm still waiting for my transcripts to come in the mail, so I'm unemployed for probably the rest of this week, but it's coming soon!

At least I have a back-up plan

2007-09-05T06:52:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me a few days ago that I haven't updated about the whole job thing here. Yes, I know I'm a flake. It's OK, I'm cool with that.

The vet thing didn't work out. I did my 2 days there and decided I'd rather work fast food than work in that pit. I did 10 hour shifts both days with zero breaks. No sitting down to eat, no cigarette, nothing. Plus, he's a bad doctor. Seriously. I saw some seriously fucked up shit those two days. Animals being under anesthesia for hours at a time because he decided to make a phone call, cats with their tongues split because the girls pulled too hard, horrible shit. He wanted me to sit in on a surgery to make sure I could handle the sight of blood. So I watched a feline spay. I was fine. But when he pulled out the uterus, he asked me if I knew what it was for. He was serious. "This is the uterus, do you know what this is for?"

Totally not worth minimum wage.

So, I am now regretfully employed at a fast food place. It's horrible there. There's a reason this is considered a high school job. My body isn't cut out for this shit. My feet hurt so fucking bad I cried last night. I laid there are cried hysterically for almost an hour because I was in so much pain. I'm thinking this isn't worth minimum wage either, but at least I get breaks and it's not against every moral belief I posses.

On my next day off I'm going to the school to see if they have any openings that don't require an AA as long as I'm working on it. If they'll let me in, I'll finish my degree next semester. I don't want to do this shit anymore. My body is on strike and I have an 8 hour shift ahead of me today. I want to run away and become a gypsy.

Don't wake a sleeping woman.

2007-08-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

Wolf learned a very important lesson this morning. Never wake up a pissed off sleeping woman and then say "never mind." Baaaaad idea.

To better understand this story, you need to know that I was finally forced to take a job at a major chain fast food place. I hate it there. I hate taking orders from stuck up little 19 year old bitches and I hate running my ass off all day.

I woke up this morning after hitting the snooze about 5 or 6 times. I hit the damn thing so hard it woke him up. He, being the caring, loving man that he is, asked "What's wrong?" I, being the evil, sleep deprived, sarcastic bitch that I am, said "I don't want to fucking get up." It really pisses me off that I have to get up to make sure that the girls, at 12 years old, get to school on time in clothes that won't have the school calling me by 1st period. We live about 100 yards from the school. You'd think they could manage it.

So, I got the girls out the door in clothes that made them look like neither sluts nor orphans, and I curled up in my bathrobe in the recliner with my sheet to watch 300. I love that movie. Talk about good dreams. I was asleep for about 10 minutes when I hear this little voice saying "Do you want breakfast?" He must have said it 2 or 3 times before I realized that it was real. I had already eaten, so I said "Fuck yes. I want a milkshake."

Well, I slowly woke up over the next 5 minutes or so to find him getting my clothes ready for me. Fuck. I thought he was going to go get food. I didn't know he expected me to get up! So, I whined and moaned and started getting dressed. He says never mind, he doesn't want to make me get up if I don't feel well.

Too late, fucker! I am up! So I told him that now I want a fucking milkshake. He said that he would feel weird eating breakfast while I sat there with a milkshake so he went to bed.

Now, for the women out there, you know what it feels like to be completely physically and emotionally on breakdown. I am fucking tired here. My whole body hurts and my brain stopped working about 3 days ago. You know how easy it is to be sent over the edge. This sent me over the edge. Fucker woke me up from a dead, dreaming of 300 abs sleep, gets me all hungry for a milkshake, and then says never mind.

I won't make you read what happened next. It was ugly. He owes me a milkshake and a nap.

I remember when

2007-08-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Jane did a post that she stole from Sophie and well, I'm all about stealing and ripping off good ideas, so I thought I would steal it too.

I remember when I learned how to cheat the payphone at the school in to giving me free phone calls because nobody had cell phones.

I remember when every home in America didn't have a microwave. I actually made spaghetti-oh's on the stove.

I remember making mixed tapes in high school.

I remember when kids didn't dare talk back to their parents because the parents had the power, not the kids.

I remember when people wrote letters with pens and paper, and ignoring your pen pal was the worst thing you could ever do.

I remember poofy bangs. My friends and I would hold contests to see who's bangs would hold the most pencils without sagging. I always won because I used cheap-ass Aqua Net and they were snobs who used the expensive stuff.

I remember when you wore thongs on your feet and underwear always covered your whole ass.

I remember when anti-depressants were only needed by people in hospitals.

I remember when you had to pay for half of your first car, and it was always a pile of shit. Only rich assholes got their first cars paid for in full by their parents.

Kids aren't as much fun as they look.

2007-08-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut of updates right now, but what the hell. Here's another one!

Sheera is doing great. She got her stitches out today and has been playing non-stop since. Her tail is sew kewt!

The girls had their first day of school today. The new schedule says that they go to SFWB's house on Mondays after school, which means riding the bus. Well, she called me today and said that she was stuck in the ER with her niece, and that she wouldn't be home when the girls got out of school. So, I called the school and had them send the girls notes saying that there was a change of plans and they are supposed to walk home. Simple, right?

Wrong. The girls panicked because they were supposed to ride the bus. They decided that the note was wrong and there had been a mix up. Um, what? Why the hell would the school send them notes unless they were supposed to walk home? Because I'm a super bitch who is constantly messing with their visits with SFWB? Because I don't know what's going on with the schedule that I set up? Because the school is constantly telling kids to go where they're not supposed to go?

Why do I want another kid? Someone shoot me in the uterus. Please.

I'm a working woman again!

2007-08-13T21:25:00.000-07:00

I might have a new job! Yipee for me! I have a "working interview" on Thursday and Friday, and probably next week too. He wants me to work for a few days and then they will literally take a vote to decide whether or not to hire me. I am sooo excited and soooo nervous and sooo disapointed that it means I'll be leaving the school. I think I can handle it though. I've been over everything that I can imagine I'll be dealing with, and putting animals down and disposing of the bodies is the only thing I think I'll have trouble with.

I have a phobia of dead bodies. It's not really logical, I've been that way for as long as I can remember. It's just disgusting to me. I can't even scoop a dead fish out of the tank. But I figure this will be a breaking point for me either way. Either I can't handle it and I find another job, or I get over my phobia. That sort of is what it is.

So, wish me luck! I go in on Thursday!

This is NOT a paid post

2007-08-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

I just like cheap shoes.

Check out www.skechers.com for 50% off a huge selection of shoes, with no shipping and handling! Holy shit! You have to enter the coupon code: summer50 at checkout. I got the girls Skechers for $30 a piece for school! They are seriously running out of selection, so hurry hurry!

In other news, the new kitty is doing great. She got her tail amputated and fixed all in one shot. We've re-named her Sheera because she's such a tough bitch.

Yes, that is a very small part of our huge knife collection in the background.

Come with me if you want to live

2007-08-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

64%

The Pledge Debate

2007-08-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone has heard the debate on the pledge of allegiance. In case you've been living under a rock or you're not from the good ol' US of A, here's a brief summary: There is a line in the Pledge that people have been flipping a lid over for the past several years. The line says "One nation under God." Now, the argument is that this isn't a nation under God, because the founding fathers didn't believe in a national religion. That very idea was one of the many problems they had with England. America is not a Christian nation, regardless of the fact that a majority of Christians are monotheists.

So, there's the common argument against the pledge of allegiance.

My problem is very different, and it has been since about the 2nd grade, long before I left Christianity behind. Do I have a problem with God being in the pledge? Yes, I do. But that argument is used up. My problem has always been the first line. "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America." Um, no I don't. Many people point out the next line when they hear this, calling me petty and saying I mince words. Ok, here's the next line: "AND to the republic for which it stands." Yes, that's AND. It doesn't say "I pledge allegiance to the republic for which the flag stands." It says AND. Why do millions of Americans every day pledge their allegiance to a flag? A symbol? The ones who say it loudest and proudest are usually Christians, who aren't supposed to worship false idols in the first place. So how is this explained? I am not mincing words here, I'm simply reading the words that millions of Americans speak every day. Words that school children are made to say every school morning. Words that are memorized by preschoolers. Why?

Rat Crack

2007-08-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

So I went to the dented can store this morning because... well because I'm cheap. While I was digging for cans that would go through my can opener, I spotted some oatmeal. Fuckin' awesome, my rats LOVE oatmeal. I mix it with a little syrup and they freak out over that shit.

So Calapy and I went to the counter and she asked me about the oatmeal because I don't usually buy dry good from them. (You only have to get weevils once to learn THAT lesson.) So I told her I was going to make some rat crack out of it. She understoon instantly but the lady behind the counter was really freaked out.

I can't figure out why.

In other news, Nona (the new cat with the hurt tail) is currently at the vet. She is getting her tail hacked off, her guts ripped out (spay), and her shots. I always feel guilty when I drop a pet off at the vet. She's in there all scared and alone.

Well shit.

2007-08-02T16:45:00.000-07:00

So we're broke, right? We're also running a small zoo. For anyone keeping track, we have 4 cats, a dog, 2 rats, 2 birds, a fish tank and 4 chickens. That's a lot of animals in my little 2 bedroom house.

So what does Calapy bring home today? An injured cat. She's a beautiful and super friendly tortoise-shell calico who looks like she had her tail ran over by a car. So, I started searching the internet looking for how to mend her and get her better because we CAN NOT afford to take her to the vet. If we couldn't take care of her we would have had to call the Humane Society and she probably would have been put down because the only shelter in the area is very high-kill. I didn't want to do that.

Then, a wonderful woman (who doesn't even read here as far as I know) from one of my message boards offered to pay for everything! Holy shit! She is going to see the vet on Monday! In the meantime, we just have to try to keep her tail clean, which is not fun because it's really gross. It's all scabbed over and full of dirt and shit, and it's absolutely infected.

So, meet Little Miss NoName. This picture sucks because she wouldn't hold still.

Bastards

2007-08-02T09:15:00.001-07:00

I'm the kind of person who can get along with anyone. I'm not saying I DO, but I CAN. Case in point: I have racist friends. They're not close friends or anything, but they come over and play video games with Wolf and hang out and shit. They know that I disagree with their views. I have had in-depth conversations with each of them and we have an understanding where none of us was forced to fake our feelings on the issue. Our understanding includes that I won't stop them from believing the way they do, and they won't bring their propaganda around the girls. Until yesterday, that was all cool. They watched their mouths and didn't wear any racist clothes or jewelry in my house.

Yeah, until yesterday. Yesterday I was turning the TV on to watch a movie. During a few seconds of black screen, I saw a swastika drawn in the dust on the screen. A fucking swastika. Now I'm just waiting for them to come back so I can flip out on their asses. What kind of disrespect do they have to carry to do that? I know, I'm stupid and trusting and I should have seen something like this coming. I don't know why I believe in people after being shit on by so many of them. I guess I like to learn about people. When I meet someone with differing views than me who is capable of a rational conversation, I eat it up.

Thankfully the girls were around when I noticed the offending mark and they got to see the rage in me while I erased it and told Wolf that I needed to talk to these assholes next time they show up. Yes, I am glad they saw the whole thing. It's important for them to know that people like that exist, and that there is nothing wrong with saying that it's not right. It's a good thing to stand up for yourself against people like that.

My tits are a force not to be reckoned with.

2007-07-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

I almost never remember my dreams, but when I do, they're very strange.

Last night, I had a dream that we adopted a baby boy. He was like, Ethiopian or some shit and he was dying of diaper rash. Yeah. Luckily, I was like 9 months pregnant so I was able to breastfeed him and he got all better. Then, a few minutes later he was done eating and I realized I didn't know his name. So I grabbed the paperwork and his name was Ezekiel. So I found his name and called him over. He walks on over, about 7 years old now, and says that he wants to call his aunt. Well check that shit out, there's her number right there on the paperwork. So he calls his aunt and I go back to sitting down with my huge pregnant belly. Yeah, still pregnant. Apparently my breast milk is magical and it allowed him to go from newborn to 7 years old in a matter of minutes.

I rock.

One Nation Under God?

2007-07-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is the fourth of July, a day to celebrate our great nation and a day to remember how Godly our country is. Wait, our country isn't Godly? But the founding fathers were Christian!

(Heh, you know I can't pass up an oportunity to be controversial)

“Every man, conducting himself as a good citizen, and being accountable to God alone for his religious opinions, ought to be protected in worshiping the Deity according to the dictates of his own conscience.”
~George Washington

“I am of a sect by myself, as far as I know.”
~Thomas Jefferson

“I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life I absented myself from Christian assemblies.”
~Benjamin Franklin

“The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether the priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles.”
~John Adams

”If they are good workmen, they may be of Asia, Africa or Europe. They may be Mohometans, Jews or Christians of any sect, or they may be atheists.”
~George Washington

“Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth.”
~Thomas Jefferson

“I believe in the equality of man; and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy, and endeavoring to make our fellow creatures happy.”
~Thomas Paine

“All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.”
~Thomas Paine

“I know that Gouvernour Morris, who claimed to be in his secrets, and believed himself to be so, has often told me that General Washington believed no more in that system [Christianity] than he did.
~Thomas Jefferson

“The founders of our nation were nearly all infidels and that of the presidents who had thus far been elected [Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Maddison, Monroe, Adams, Jackson], not a one had professed a belief in Christianity.”
~The Reverend Doctor Bird Wilson

All your caturday are belong to us

2007-07-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm a day late for Caturday, but since when do I blog for the day of the week? If this video doesn't make you smile you have no soul.

And anyone who wants to say that the song sucks, you suck and you're a meanie poopoo head and you don't know what you're talking about. So :P

It ain't easy being green

2007-06-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't talked about this here because I was afraid of jinxing myself, but guess what? I have a garden! No shit! I have pansies, marigolds, some other flowers that I forget the name of, strawberries and oregano! No shit! The strawberries are fucking awesome, and I'm getting about 3-4 a week now. The oregano is great, I can barely keep it cut down it's growing so fast. The marigolds and mystery flowers are doing so-so, but the pansies are pissing me off. They're covered in ants! I was prepared to fight them for my strawberries, but they aren't touching them. They're eating my pretty flowers! I hate ants.

Wolf also tried to move our juniper bush, but it's dying. It's sad, but I'm thinking I'll be able to talk him in to a lilac bush when it finally dies.

The new teacher/old aide in my classroom has talked me in to going to Trader Joes. I'm officially about to cross over to the land of complete hippy.

So...

2007-06-26T17:22:00.000-07:00

I, like so many others, am the type of person who can drown in another persons sorrows. I don't watch the news for this reason. My heart isn't strong enough for it. I hurt physically and emotionally for all of those people. When something happens to a friend, I crumble inside. I have to get away, I have to breathe. I have to move on and come back when I'm needed.

I can't bring myself to add anything to this post, but posting will resume shortly. I have to get past this, I have to help the blogosphere heal.

For Dog, We Love You So Much

2007-06-22T16:42:00.000-07:00

My very good friend, WatchDog experienced the most tragic event that can possibly happen to a parents. His little boy passed away yesterday. Words cannot describe the love of this man for his son. Please, light a candle, say a prayer, hold a moment of silence for this innocent young life and the family that is left behind.

Avitable is holding a memorial drive for him. If you can spare $5, please donate. We all feel so helpless right now. We can't hug him. We can't do anything. Please, help us to show him how loved he is.

I'm a flake, but I find funny shit!

2007-06-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

So it's been what, close to a month since I've posted? I don't know if I'm going to keep posting here, if this is just a phase of if I'm really through, but I thought I should at least get the fat post off the top of the page. So, here is a picture I found from the lovely and talented Asia Carrera's blog.

I'm fat.

2007-05-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

I'm fat. I'm ok with this. Well, not entirely because I'm unhealthy at this point. I need to lose weight for my health. However, I think I've finally reached a point where I don't feel the need to lose weight simply to look more attractive to other members of society. I am a big girl even when I'm not overweight. When I was 19 I struggled with anorexia. I got down to 120 lbs. I had bones sticking out all over my body. I was very unhealthy. However, I still wore a size 12 jeans. That's one size away from "plus size." Now, at 220, I wear a size 18. I would like to get down to 170 and a size 14-16. I would like to be able to walk wherever I want. I would like to be active all day without feeling exhausted. I would like to be healthy, but being skinny has nothing to do with it.

I will never wear a bikini unless I have drastic plastic surgery. Even if I were to lose all of my excess weight, my weight has fluctuated too drastically for my skin to recover. I don't need to wear a bikini. I don't need to wear hot pants and tube tops. I would like to be able to find clothes that fit. I don't give a good god damn if my arms are too flabby to wear a tank top. I do care enough about my self image not to wear a belly shirt, but I refuse to be uncomfortable just because people don't approve of the way I look.

I also hate it when I mention my weight, and people get all lovey dovey about how I'm not fat. Yes, I am. That's ok. I am aware that I am overweight. It's a health problem, and denying it will only make it worse. It's comparable to someone with a festering, infected wound on their forehead. Pretending it's not there will only make it worse. It needs to be addressed and taken care of. Just because it's my fault doesn't make it any less difficult. It's like my smoking. I can't blame anyone but myself for it, and I can't expect anyone to pussyfoot around about the fact that it's unhealthy.

I don't think I have a point here. I just think that skinny people sometimes don't understand how hard it is, and fat people sometimes forget that it's their own damn fault. I hate the BBW movement. I love the "Be happy with yourself and put your health first" movement. I hate the idea that anyone over a size 14 is unhealthy. I hate the idea that you have to be a size 2 in order to be sexy. I hate that we can't just be healthy and happy, regardless of whether we look like the models on TV.

Adoption... the next great evil?

2007-05-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, I don't usually like to make preachy posts about how someone is SEW STOOPID because of their view. Seriously, I don't. I like to disagree with people, and have good debates, and even get bitchy from time to time. But I don't like to single out an individual, group or idea for being ignorant, no matter how ignorant they really are.

Today, I change all of that.

Did you know that there is actually a movement against adoption? Yes, there are people out there who think adoption is wrong in ALL cases, always. Here's a few links:

Livejournal post with lots of discussion

Adoption: Legalized Lies Main Page

Page telling pregnant women and their families that putting their child up for adoption will ruin their lives and the life of the baby

Pretty much more of the same, but some new viewpoints here and there

I know that's alot, so I'll pull some quotes.

There are myriad reasons to oppose adoption, including the damage caused to exiled parents and adopted children/adults. In addition, we believe that adoption is an inherently dishonest act. In other words, children are given one, true set of parents by nature, and these parents cannot be replaced or “switched at birth” based on a man-made legal document. Most importantly, it is unnecessary for anyone to endure the emotional damage and unnatural lies inflicted by adoption. It is not only possible, but critically important to assist struggling families without dismantling them.

That's right. You can't be a parent unless you share genes with an offspring. I knew it.

The subject of children who have been removed from their parents because of abuse or neglect is a tricky one. First of all, it’s important to recognize that every day, thousands of children are unjustly removed from their parents’ safe and loving homes. In fact, the United States promotes adoption so strongly that state governments can and do make money when they get children adopted out of the foster care system (based on the quotas set in President Clinton’s “Adoption 2002” program). Therefore, vulnerable families become the target of state-run child “welfare” agencies. Without an ample supply of financial resources to fight the system, many parents lose their children forever for no valid reason at all.

(They go on to say that the family who does abuse should be rehabilitated. If that's not possible, guardianship should be assigned to a family member.)

Although we are sympathetic to people who want to have children but cannot, it is important to realize that adoption has never been a cure for infertility. All the legal documents in the world cannot wipe away the fact that true families are created by nature alone. From a moral point of view, it is not the job of fertile men and women to supply victims of infertility with children to raise.

Young people should take precautions to look after their fertility if they plan to have children at some point in their lives. Waiting until one has acquired enough money, high enough career status, or other material “qualifications” can be detrimental to a person’s ability to conceive and carry a child. Sexually transmitted diseases and other environmental toxins can lead to infertility, as well. If you are planning to become a parent “someday,” it’s important to remember that the way you live now has a real impact on your future.

(Great, if you're infertile it's your fault and you don't deserve kids anyway because you are an idiot. So, let's make the crackheads keep them! I'd much rather see my kid raised by an abusive crackhead than some selfish bitch who waited until she was *gasp* thirty and had money!)

There is so much more, but that covers most of it. They believe that children should be kept with their natural families, and that to be raised by a "genetic stranger" is dishonest and will basically ruin their lives. Also, apparantly all birth mothers are either selfish whores who don't care about their babies or they were tricked into giving them up by the eeeeebil government. Of course, the goverment is making big bucks by ripping off all these babies all over the country. (It just wouldn't be the same without a government conspiracy theory, right?)

I think I can honestly say this is the most pathetic, uneducated, uncompassionate drivel I've ever seen in my life. By taking a child out of foster care, an abusive home, or an orphanage, you are damaging them for life. You are lying to them even if you are honest with them. You are worse than the birth parent who gave them up. Birth parents are either selfish whores or mindless zombies, tricked or unjustly forced to give up their children. There is no exception, apparently. If you were adopted and you're happy about it, you're delusional and you are hiding your true feelings behind decades of lies and brainwashing.

I just don't even know how to argue against this. I'm at a loss. It's so completely unbelievable, I'm dumbfounded.

Mother's Day: Redeemed

2007-05-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

I just realized I forgot to tell you guys what Wolf got me for Mothers Day!

Definitely one of his stranger gifts, but it's FUCKING AWESOME because our local grocery store quit carrying it to make room for more ~~nasty shit~~ Ovaltine.

I wish I could see him now

2007-05-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

Ding, dong, the witch is dead!

Yes, I know I'm going to hell. But I'm going to be sitting there right next to that pompus fat ass, and I'll be laughing at him the whole fucking time.

Trust issues

2007-05-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

Enough of my pity party. I don't know why I let shit get to me, I really don't. I guess I always expect more of people. Even when I don't like someone, it takes alot to get me to go out of my way to hurt them. I try my hardest to be thoughtful of the people I care about and not make ignorant mistakes like forgetting Mother's Day. I think the fact that even my close family didn't do or say anything special hurt the most. My mom not saying anything hurt. My Mother in Law really hurt, because her first 5 years of motherhood were spent as a step-mom. I thought she would understand. But, Mother's Day hasn't been a special day for me in the almost 5 years I've been caring for the girls, so I don't know why I expected it to be different this year.

Shit! I said enough of the pity party! I guess my feelings of hurt are compounded lately because someone I thought was a friend proved that she's not. Acctually, people going out of their way to hurt me seems to be a trend lately. My tally is up to 3 in the past month. 2 friends and a family member. Nice. Chris' neice is a drama queen. She always has been and probably always will be. Well, she told me something a month or so ago. She told me that a mutual friend was doing meth. Now, this is someone who comes to our house, so she should have known I'd confront him. I don't like tweekers in my house and she knows it.

When I confronted him, he got PISSED. He said it's absolutely not true and left in search of her. Not 15 minutes later, she called me screaming that I was trying to start problems. She said that she hadn't said it was him, that it was someone else. I know who she said it was. There were several key points in the story (like making sure his girlfriend doesn't find out) that put my mind at rest that this wasn't my mistake. It turns out she made the whole thing up because she was mad at him, and cast the blame on me. She has spent the past several weeks telling everyone what a bitch I am, and that she's going to "kick my ass." This is totally laughable. She's 17 and on probation for fighting. If she so much as gives me the wrong look I'll call the cops. But, as usual, her threats have been proven bullshit. I've caught her hiding from me on more than one occasion since then.

Whatever. It just hurts that I trust people, that I try to think the best of even my enemies, and they always let me down in the most hurtful way possible. They always prove me wrong.

Gee, I wonder why I have trust issues.

Mother's Day for everyone but me

2007-05-13T16:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I get my hopes up every year for this stupid holiday. Wolf and the girls said Happy Mothers Day, the girls made me cards, and Wolf took my mom and I out to lunch. VERY sweet. Wolf is also getting me another gift to open tonight. He's all sorts of excited about it, which scares me. The last time he was this excited about a gift, it was an electric can opener. The thought was nice, because it was during the worst of my tendonitis and I couldn't use the manual one anymore. But still, a can opener? Oh well, whatever he gets me, I'll love it. Just like I love that stupid can opener.

I also got several well wishes and cute little blinkies on my MySpace and in my email, and I just want all of you to know that I love you guys SO much. It's refreshing to have real friends here.

As for everyone else in my life? Nothing. No phone calls, no well wishes, no cheesy cards or flowers that they forgot I'm allergic to. Nothing. When we brought my mother in law her gift, there was nothing for me in return. Today is just another reminder that I'm not a "real" mom. I didn't give birth, therefore I'm secondary. Nothing I do matters to anyone, it's just something I signed up for and I had better smile about it. I stepped up and raised kids who were being fucked by the woman who gave birth to them, yet she gets showered with gifts.

I'm not saying that birth moms should be left out of this holiday. To give a child up for adoption is a pain that I'll never know. I'm not trying to disrespect or degrade the mothers out there who selflessly made sure their kids have a good life, even if it's away from them. This also goes for the good mothers who got screwed in custody battles. But step-moms hurt today too. Motherhood is so many things, and this holiday just kills me.

Happy Mothers Day!

2007-05-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

To all of the Moms, Step-Moms, Birth Moms, Adoptive Moms, Neighborhood Moms, Grandmas, and Moms-to-be! (Did I miss anyone?)

This and that

2007-05-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

If anyone thinks they're going to come here and see a rant, you're wrong. There is a difference between adults and children, and chronological age has nothing to do with it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, fuckin' awesome. I'm glad you missed it.

I have good news! I might be able to work in my classroom for summer school! At first it was looking like I was going to be getting a second job this summer because I hate Hate HATE filing for unemployment, but now it looks like we'll have all three kids. The teacher is going to ask for a second aide for summer so I'll have 6 extra weeks. With that, I'll be able to pick up a few side jobs babysitting or whatever and we'll make it through the summer no problem. Next year is another story. I've actually been wishing I could waitress because all of those tips would be AWESOME, but I just don't think my wrists would handle carrying around all of those heavy trays. I may try it anyway though. Hey, my grand scheme of winning the lottery isn't getting me very far.

My sister had a close call tonight. A couple years ago, we got her a car. It's an old junker, but it's actually really valuable to the right buyer and she loves it. She loves being surrounded by steel instead of plastic and styrofoam. Anyway, today her right front ball bearing just fucking snapped while she was driving around a corner. Seriously, her tire tried to fall off in the middle of the road. She handled it like a champ though, and her quick thinking kept her and my mom from plowing into the side of the mountain. All in all it's going to cost her less than $100 for parts, and Wolf will fix it up for free, of course. It's handy having a mechanic in the house, even if our yard sometimes looks like a Jeff Foxworthy commercial.

Calapy has decided that she feels ready to go back to mainstream school next year. I am SOOO scared and SOOOO excited all at once. I really hope she makes it. She's been home schooled for over a year now, and while her grades and her self esteem have both gone up, there just aren't enough resources in our area to keep her properly socialized, especially when she doesn't have any real friends in the first place. It really makes me feel good to see her suceed.

Shameless Plug

2007-05-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

The bestest forum in the World is about to turn one year old! Holy shit! AND... I was just made admin there! WooHoo! Ultimate power!!! The lovely and talented T has taken it upon herself to trust me with her board. I would be highly honored at such a show of trust, but I'm following in the (rather large) footsteps of the one and only Avitable, so I shouldn't let it go to my head too much.

Anyway, what do I love about Did I Say That? There is a wonderful group of catty bitches (and a few guys as well) there who know how to be friends. Seriously, we've all grown so close over the past year it's amazing. There for a while we weren't even advertising because we love the group so much. We know how to be supportive, and we know how to argue. Plus, I don't think the guys mind too much, being surrounded by a bunch of lound, horny women all day long.

So, go check it out. As long as you don't link to porn or free Viagra in your profile, I'll have your account activated quickly.

Don't worry. It's not cheating.

2007-05-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

So, I was doing my thang on MySpace this morning, when I saw the most fucked up dating site ad I've ever seen.

What the hell is this? "It's ok to look"? Oh good. I'm sure all you married people will be thrilled to find out this little bit of moral assurance.

Feeling better and Pit Bulls again

2007-05-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

Things have been looking up a bit lately. My back has been really sore ever since Sunday when I had a NASTY virus that Calapy was kind enough to bring home. I've had body aches with the flu before, but nothing like that. As long as I keep moving though, it loosens right up and feels better. So, that means I've been getting up, working out (without the whore on the DVD, thankyouverymuch), watering my plants, and basically pretending to be human.

I've always known that the quickest way for me to pull myself out of a depression is to get up and fake it. Pretending like I care always helps because it makes me get up and move my body, and moving my body makes me feel better. But just go ahead and try telling me that. It's not as easy as it sounds.

Yesterday I spent close to 4 hours building a MySpace page for my dog. Crazy, huh? Oh, did you miss the memo? My dog is an American Pit Bull Terrier. I actually found out some really cool information on my hunt. Did you know that Hellen Keller, Theodore Roosevelt, Laura Ingles Wilder, Michael J. Fox, and a whole list of other famous people have been or are owners of APBT? Or that the first and most decorated war dog was an APBT? How about the fact that APBT's represented America in WWI artwork? How about the fact that the very history of the breed proves what great dogs they are? It's true that they were specifically bred to fight in pits. But, the characteristics that the breeders of yesteryear were looking for was a strong, determined dog who learned quickly and had an incredible desire to please it's owner. Pit Bulls are loyal, obedient, trustworthy, and eager to please their people, it's bred right in to them.

Here's a great quote from an article I found:

"Pound for pound the American Pit Bull Terrier ( APBT ) is the strongest breed in existence and has a tenacity to meet its objectives as no other. Because the Pit Bull puts its own interest second to that of its owners the chances of it achieving a task are greater than that of other breeds.

The American Pit Bull Terrier ( APBT ) is additionally one of the most intelligent and easy to train breed of dogs. The trainer of the show dog Lassie has even remarked on how the Pit Bull is his choice of breed for training. This is due to the Pit Bulls ease of training, focus on task, desire to please their owner, and don't give up attitude.

Because the Pit Bull has such strength, intelligence, desire to please, and a don't give up attitude it would make a good choice as a disabled assistant service dog to those who are facing issues of mobility."

But anyway, I made the MySpace page and I feel very accomplished for it. I don't want to just post it here because it links back to me, but if you'd like to be my dogs friend, just comment with your MySpace or send me an email. ( virginia.lewis.loves.you@gmail.com ) I don't check this email too often, but I do check it.

Low

2007-04-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

I started this blog, and worked hard to keep it anonymous, so that I could be honest. This is the place for me to be true to myself, and to not give a damn what my readers think. If people want to ride this roller coaster with me, they're welcomed with open arms, but this blog isn't for them. It's for me.

At least, that was the idea. But lately I find myself falling back in to the same hole I found with my last one. I get to a down time in my life and I ignore my blog because "noone wants to read that shit." I said, a few days ago, that I'm ok. I'm not. Well, I guess I am "ok" in the sense that I'm going to work and doing all of the things that need to be done. But inside, I'm not ok. I'm tired. I'm fat. I'm frustrated that I'm still at 20 cigarettes a day, even though I know that I'm still doing good. I'm doubting myself. I'm working out and feeling like a complete cow when I can't keep up with the whore on the DVD, even though I know I shouldn't expect myself to.

I still cry for my little boy every day. I took one of his rain sticks from work because it had been broken and re-glued and wasn't safe for the other kids anyway. I carry it everywhere. If I leave it, people play with it and I don't like other people touching it but I'm afraid they'll think I'm crazy if I tell them to leave it alone. I come to the verge of tears about a dozen times a day. I know that the old "time heals all wounds" thing is bullshit, but isn't it supposed to get easier? Aren't I supposed to be used to the pain by now? Shouldn't I be able to get through a few hours without feeling it?

Nothing makes me feel better, not even this.